Breaking point

Insight

I started to climb out my window as Jakes car pulled up. As i climb out my window and walk across the roof i glance at Jessica through hers. She's all tangled up in her blankets. The well-used teddy bear is glued to her chest as always. She can't sleep without it. Ten years later you would have thought she would have gotten rid of the old raggedy thing, she's probably going to have it at her wedding. I smile to myself as I climb down the tree by the edge of the roof.

I'm an expert by the age of sixteen of sneaking out of the house. I don't do it all the time, just when I have to clear my mind of things. Whenever I need to Jay comes and gets me, no matter what time it is. He doesn't want me going out this late alone; he worries about me too much. It's still dark outside: I can see the stars so clearly as they twinkle in their little place in the universe. I'm always staring at them. The way they just sit there in one spot their whole life's never moving, just watching. Seeing us make of the world as it is. It amazes me.

Seeing the familiar black truck I hop in the front. You can tell he just got of bed. His dark brown hair is all puffed out, his deep blue eyes have a hint of tiredness to them and plus he's still in his pajamas. I was expecting his face to be somewhat shocked after what I told him, but it's not. It looks almost...calm.

"So where do you want to go Holly?" He says with the most painful look in the world.

"Wait, that's it? Aren't you.... You're not.... How come you're not going to bomb blowing me with questions about what I told you?"

"Do u want me to, because I can." He said with a husky voice.

"No, not really."

"See."

"But, you're not..." I looked down and fumbled with my hands.

"Mad? Of course I am. I just not asking you a truck load of questions because I know you'll tell me when you're ready to. All I want to know is when you plan on going through with this."

I'm quite. I don't even that know myself. He starts to drive towards the park where we always go when I want to clear my head. He keeps glancing at me along the way with this blank expression I can't read. We get there in no time at all. He stopped the car and I got out slowly.

"I..I don't know yet..."

"How don't you know yet? It's your plan, your idea!"

I'm speechless again. I don't know what to say next.

"Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's just that... I don't understand why you're doing this. There's other ways to get rid of the dreams. You could try talking to someone again, that help you before right?"

"Yeah, but they keep coming back and each time with more details I've blocked from remembering."

"Talk to me, I need you to talk to me."

I'm speechless again. I start to feel tears running down my face without noticing I'm making them. Jake sees them, and he gently wraps his arms around me. That's the thing I love about him. He cares so much for people, for me. He's one of my best friends and will do anything for me. He won't show emotion no matter what the situation is though. He hates emotion, but at that moment it was clearly showing across his face: the sadness, worrisome, and everything else that he was holding back. I thought I got rid of all the guilt when I was planning this. I was wrong, seeing him like this the way; seeing those big blue eyes are looking at me. It's still there.

"Your only sixteen Holls, you haven't even lived your life yet. How could you want this?" He whispers. I push away from him.

"It's my fault their dead Jake! Mine and only mine! If I didn't want to go to the beach, they would still be here!"

He pulls me into his arms again. Only tighter this time. I'm getting use to being this close to him.

"It can't be your fault no matter how you look at it Holly. It was just one of those freak accidents that just happen for no reason."

"But..." It's hard to look him in the eyes.

"NO, you can't think that you caused the accident."

"But I did..."

"When do you plan on doing it then?"

"I want it to be snowing."

"Why?"

"Because it'll be red on white."

"How do you want to do it?"

"Painless and dramatic."

"So you want to do it in basically three and a half months, November or December?"

"I guess..."

"Yes or no Holly."

"Yes." I looked at him.

"Make me a promise then."

"I don't know..." I pushed away from him.

"Please, for me."

"It depends on what it is, because I can't promise I won't do it." I started playing with my hands again.

"I'm not asking that, but it has to do with the same concept."

"I don't know Jake.."

"Please, will you do it for me?"

"Tell me what it is first."

"Will you wait forty five days before doing it?"

"Why forty five?"

"Because it's my lucky number."

"I don't know Jake.."

"Please, do it for me."

I'm speechless for a moment. He's giving me the look he knows for a fact I can't say no to.

"Okay, I'll wait ."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

His eyes light up as I say this. That stupid cheesy smile that I love spreads across his face. He looks like he just won the lottery with the way he looks. Then I hear my stomach growls.

"So, do you want to go get something to eat?"

"Okay, that'll work. I'm hungry."

"But I'm buying."

"That's what you think. I sprinted for the door.

I took him a minute, but soon enough he was banging at the door! Holly! Open this door right now!!"

"Not even, hop in the passenger side." I giggled.

"Holly, come on! It isn't even your car!"

I shake my head at him. He knows I'm not going to give in. Mumbling something he gives up and gets in on the passenger side.

"I win." I smile

"shut-up and drive brat." he grumbles, but smiles.