Breaking point

The dream

My parents are here, I haven't seen them in so long. We're in the car. I 'm seven and Jess is three. We're singing along with the radio, we're laughing and having a good time. Mom and Dad are holding hands in the front seat; mom keeps looking at dad and giving him the most loving expression that only she could pull off.

I look out the window and I can see the ocean. It's stunning; my eyes are partially glued to it. I can't look away. If I look hard enough I can see something moving in the waters. They're hoping in and out, there are four of them. Two bigger ones and two smaller ones, it's probably their babies.

Look mom! Dolphins!"

" I see them."

Jessica is starting to fall asleep. She looks so peaceful. I lean over and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. Mom sees me and smiles.

We're up so high up now on the cliffs I'm afraid to look down. That's when it came out of nowhere: the other car. We can't get out of the way fast enough. It smacks right into us and we swerved off the road. We're in the air going down at a great speed. The last thing I see is the once peaceful ocean now deadly swarming into our car.

"Holly! Holly! You have to wake up!"

I'm in Jakes arms crying. We're at his house in the guest room, I spent the night. He must have heard me screaming in my sleep and came running. His t-shirt is starting to get wet with all my tears. I can't stop no matter how hard I try. I know it was just a dream, but it doesn't help. If it does anything it makes it worse because it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. I've been blocking it out for years and it finally that came back.

I'm starting to calm down, but he keeps his arms around me and I stay on his lap. I give him a hug with as happy a smile I can manage. I guess it wasn't a good enough because his eyes look so worried. He hates to see me like this. He's such a sweet guy, I wonder why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

I try and get up, "I'm hungry want to go and make breakfast?"

He examines my face, "Sure."

I start to walk to the kitchen and he holds my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I try and hold in the tears, "I'm fine."

He walks in front of me and tilts my face up, a tear sneaks out. "No you're not." He whispers.

I step back, "It was just a dream, that's it."

"Holly this isn't good for you, you were screaming in your sleep. You need to talk to someone about this..."

"Jake I'm fine, stop worrying." I wipe the tears away.

"I'll get over it, I always do."

"I don't know Holls..."

"Jake please drop it."

He's so worried about me, it's in his eyes. "Okay, umm what do you want for breakfast?"

"I don't really care anything really."

"How about some eggs?"

"Sounds good."

"If you want, go get in the shower and I'll start cooking."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead. I can manage."

I give him a hug and walk into the bathroom.

*********

The shower took a lot off my mind, I was more calmed down. A hint of the dream was still there. Trying to think past it, I start to get ready for the day.

I don't have to worry about clothes; I always keep an extra set here for this kind of reason. As I get dress I think to myself, its day one today. Why did he want me to wait forty-five days? What could possibly happen in that amount of time that could change my mind on suicidal?

I look in the mirror and try to think of a way to do my hair. Deciding up on just a pony tail I start on my makeup. I'm not one those girls who wears a lot, all I need is a little mascara and blush that's it.

I have the darkest hair in my family. Everyone is a blonde. I have black hair, so I don't know where it comes from. I have the same colored eyes as my dad and Jessica, there dark green with hints of grey to them.

Jakes making a ton of noise in the kitchen, I'm finally done so I head out there. He ended up making eggs, bacon and toast, it looks really good.

"Hey." I smile

He looks up, "Feeling better Holls?"

"Yeah, a lot better."

"That's good." He still looks worried.

I glance at what he made, "The food looks really good."

He laughs, "Wow you must be starving because you know I can't cook."

"Oh you're not that bad."

He smiled and puts some on a plate and hands it to me.

I walk over to the table and sit down

"So what do you want to do today?" He asks as he sits down.

"I don't know anything really."

"What about the movies."

"Sure, anything you want to go see."

"Not really... Wait, there's that new scary movie that just came out." What's up with guys and scary movies?

"Okay, sounds good. I'll just call the others and tell them to meet us there." His face fells the slightest when I say this. I reconsider the thought.

"You know what, on second thought never mind. They can come next time we go."

"You sure, I don't mind."

Liar I think to myself. "Yeah I'm sure."

"Okay then." His eyes have that sparkle to them.

We finish up. Jake goes and get ready and I start on the dishes. I'm done within ten minutes. I can hear him starting to play a video game.

"Wow he got ready fast." I say to myself. I walk over to the living room.

Hey what would you do if aliens came too earth and took away all the videos games?"

"Easy, I would go all Halo 2 on them."

He makes me laugh. Boys and their video games I think to myself. I walk over and snatch the controller away from him and start playing.

"Hey!" he yells at me, I laugh and keep playing.

He doesn't try to take it back, he's just watching me. Not watching me play the game, but watching me. That boyish smile spreads across his face. He doesn't seem to notice that I can see him doing all this. I end up crushing that boyish pride by beating all of his records on Mario cart. I'm never going to let him live this down. He ends up banding me from ever touching his Wii again.

I call Jessica before we leave for the movies. She's home with Max, our foster dad. We live with him and his wife; they took us in when our parents died. Jess knows where I am if I'm not there in the morning. I told her Jake and I are going to the movies and I'll be back later, but before I can hang up she cons me into bringing home a bag of popcorn for her. I agree and hang up.