fri[END]s | BTS

미소

I could have chose to ignore the pain. I could have decided to forget and ease all the pain. I could have never let the hurtful memories haunt me at night and day, at every step of my way. Why do you think I was running? To feel free. Just like you all got to be.

I always had a choice, everyone did. Making a decision would have made me free. It was one way of ending my hell. But I didn't choose to stop and make a decision that would free me. We are always free to choose, but the concequences of our choices will haunt as forever. It's a paradox. And I'm just running from responsibility that is crushing me inside and out. But I was able to do it with a smile, until...

Taehyung, you were the last one to leave me. Your memory in my head is as fresh as if it just happened yesterday. Was it yesterday? Maybe today? I don't know anymore. I can't remember, I lost the count. But I know that all of you will help me to find the right track of meaningless numbers. Our ages, our birth dates, it's just numbers. But how about our death dates. Are they just numbers too? Don't they mean something? Doesn't that stand for something? I believe that you all know the answer. I believe that all of you are trying to tell me right now. Friends, I can't hear you. I can't see you. It's like nothing has changed. It's like I have never seen you before either. Because if I did, you would have never left me. But now, something is different. I am different. I am alone. You are different. You are free. And now I can sense you, I can feel your mind flows all around me. They are trying to reach me as a smile slowly spreads on your face, because you're reading this above my shoulder. Aren't you? I sure hope you are.

I didn't even need to look for you as I had for others. Because you didn't leave til the end, even if it was yours and not mine. Or maybe it was mine too? Because without you guys my life suddenly felt empty, as if it was over. You took the smile with you, but most importanty you took the loyalty. I stuck with me until the very end, and now I can't even be loyal to myself. Don't worry my friends. I don't care what kind of hardships I will face. I lost hope, trust, care, dedication, strength, loyalty and smile. But I'm keeping my word. See you smile soon.
- Jin.