Stay strong

Stay strong 3

Chapter 3-

I wake up at 6:30 every morning for school. I try to get up but I just have no energy. I've already had too many days off though, I have to go. I get up and my arm stings, suddenly I remember cutting last night. This is the moment of regret. I know I've hurt more people just by doing that to myself.

I get up and my mirror isn't dirty enough, I can still see myself. That's one of the problems I have. I spray a shit ton of hairspray on the mirror til the reflection looks distorted and I can't make sense of what's there. I throw on alittle bit of makeup and straighten my hair. Finally, I throw on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans.

I get to school and start walking to my classes, everyone's talking to their friends and gossiping. I'm the only loser who has no friends I guess. I feel like everyone is staring at me and knows I cut. I just need to get to class.

I get to my class and put my head down. I really don't want to do anything. My teacher doesn't seem to care, he knows what's wrong with me, they all do, thanks to my doctor telling the school about my problems they treat me like I'm in a psych ward. Like they have to be careful of everything they say around me or I might break or go on some rampage and kill people. Yeah whatever.

" look at that loser" I can hear one girl say in the hallway. I try to just get by her and get to my next class. People don't realize the shit that they say hurts. I think of how many suicides it will take before people will actually listen.

I look at my phone, 3 new messages, all from random numbers " you're such a fucking loser go kill yourself" " no one would care if you died" " why are you still alive?" Isn't that just lovely? I get up and just leave class.

There's a group of girls laughing at me as I pass them in the hall. All I want to do is die. Why won't they just leave me alone I take out my phone and dial lori's number for some support. Great. No answer. So I just hang up and find a door unguarded and no teachers around, so I just leave.

At home I sit on my bed wishing I was dead. Asking god why I was ever born. I sit and just think for a while. Think of all the messages of the tormenting girls. They're right no one cares. I look in the mirror with disgust. Finally deciding I just need to settle myself I pop some pills in my mouth and swallow. I start to feel good. Nothing can bother me right now.

I just sit and think about being high being in lala land, no one can hurt me there. Maybe one day all this pain will end I think. Just not today suddenly the room starts spinning, I feel something has gone wrong, horribly wrong, but it feels so right maybe all this pain will be coming to an end! Finally I see nothing but black..