What Can Be

Chapter 4

I lay in bed, completely awake. All I can think about is Levi. How much I want him and how it felt to touch him again. Maybe I should've let him kiss me. He's like a drug to me. And I shouldn't have let him do anything. I have Jack now. And that's final. Damnit, Raven. Just forget about him. His face flashes in my mind again and a shiver runs through me. I can feel his hand on my thigh again and I can't do anything for a moment. I can't even breathe. I mean, this all happened two days ago but I just can't shake it. I decide to walk out into the other room and get a glass of water.

"What are you doing up?" I hear Carter ask. I stare at him for a moment as he gets out a shot glass and alcohol that I can't even see what it is in this lighting.

"I should ask you the same thing." I laugh as I sit down at a stool. "Make that two shot glasses." I say as I nod to the cabinet for him to get another out for me.

"You sure?" He asks, uneasily. I nod, I need something to get my mind off him. He shrugs his shoulders and pours a shot for both of us. We clink glasses and down our shots. It burns as it goes down and I slam the glass back on the table. Damn I needed that. Once it's finally down, I smile to myself. A warm feeling overcomes me and it's as if my worries begin to fade. I need another one.

So I take the bottle and pour myself another.

And then I sit there, staring at the city lights out the window. It's a great big world out there. How the hell did he end up right next to me? Again. I groan as I stand up. I'm just a little dizzy, but it's nothing bad. With all my nights at the bar, I've grown a tolerance for alcohol, so I walk to the fridge and grab myself a beer.

"You okay? You don't drink like this unless it's with other people." Carter states. I shrug and take a swig of beer before plopping back down in my chair. "C'mon, what's bothering you?" I laugh a little bit and take another sip.

"Levi's back. That's what's wrong." I spit out the words.

"Who's Levi?" He asks casually, sitting next to me. I'm starting to really feel the effects of the alcohol now and I just laugh.

"Some bastard that used to live next door to me when I was younger."

"You don't like him?" I shake my head no. I shake it again, thinking maybe I can convince myself that it's true. That I don't like him. I never will. But that's not true, the next thing I say is true, though,

"Carter. I love him." A pang of sadness rushes through me so I take a huge gulp of beer, finishing almost half of it in one gulp.

"Who is he?" Carter asks again as he goes to get himself a beer, as well.

"He was my next door neighbor for like 15 years or something like that. And I loved him. And now he's our neighbor again."

"He moved here?" He asks as he pops off the top of his beer.

"Mhmm..." I say as I finish it. I set the empty bottle on the counter and walk to the fridge for another.

"No, Raven. You have dance tomorrow, remember?" I laugh and push past him, lazily,

"Nah, I need this." He pulls me back and I begin pushing past him again. "Hey." I demand, but my eyes droop down and I almost fall on top of him.

"Damn, I didn't think you'd crash this fast. C'mon lets get you to the couch." I begin to protest but he leads me over to the couch, anyway. I snuggle up with a blanket and I just sigh. "You okay?" He asks me again. For some reason, I begin feeling the tears threatening to pour out of my eyes.

"No..." I say and the tears immediately flood out. "I love him, Carter. I love him." He sits down beside me and I immediately fling myself onto him.