What Can Be

Chapter 5

Levi's apartment is basically like mine. Same layout. There's a lot of boxes littered everywhere and I stare and the space.

"Everything okay?" He asks as he passes by me, purposefully brushing his hand across my waist. I sigh at his touch and just nod my head,

"Yeah. So where do we start."

"My bedroom?" He suggests before moving some boxes out of the way to his room. I glare at him, making sure he's not pulling any tricks on me.

"Yeah, okay." So we head over to his room and it's already pretty messy. "Your room is always messy, huh?" I laugh a little bit and he looks over at me.

"All I need is a clear path to my bed." He smirks. He said this to me every time I'd come over when we were younger.

"I guess that'll never change." He laughs and hoists a box up onto his dresser and begins emptying it, shoving his clothes into his drawers. I watch him for a moment.

"You gonna help?" He laughs.

"Oh, yeah. Uh..."

"Here." He hands me a box. I smile at him and set the box on his bed. I begin rummaging through it, setting some books on his bookshelf and I reach into the bottom to find a tiny safe.

"Oh my god, Levi! Is this what I think it is?" I can't help but laugh. He looks over his shoulder to me and his face immediately cracks into a smile.

"Hell yeah. I'd never get rid of this!" In high school, this is where he kept all of his condoms, cigars, matches, money, and fireworks. Basically everything he couldn't show his mom. "You remember this?" He smirks at me and I can't help but laugh and nod my head. "Wow. You remember a lot, don't you?" I sigh and nod. I don't want him to know how much I used to pay attention to him, but it's too late I guess. He laughs and looks down at the box. Suddenly he grabs the key and opens it up. "I've added a few things to it. Wanna see?"

"No!" I laugh, thinking it's probably a sex toy or something. But he pulls out his keys to his first car, a mustang, that broke down a couple years after he got it, a picture of him and his dad, and a picture of me, him, and my brother, before he left for college for the first time. I glance over to him. "You keep this in here all the time?" I grab the picture and smile. We're standing in front of Levi's house. I remember it like my own home.

"Yeah." He admits. "I miss the old days." I smile to myself and sit down on the bed, staring at the picture. We all had light in our eyes. Unlike now. I haven't even talked to my brother in a while.

"Do you still talk to Andrew?" Andrew is two years older than me. He never left his city.

"Not really." He says, sadly. I just nod. He takes a seat beside me, staring at the picture. I can see a slight smile curl on his lips and he delicately takes the picture from my hands. "Do you ever just want to go back?" I feel a pang of sadness in my chest as I remember all the old times.

"Yes." I choke out the word. My eyes shift to him and I'm staring into his eyes, again. This time there's no lust. No nothing. Emptiness. Maybe even sadness. I remember how his eyes were bright and happy when we were kids. When we'd ride around on our scooters, racing each other down the block, or how we'd have nerf gun fights of play hide and go seek with Andrew. Or how we'd play shoot em up video games even though we were way too young. We'd get excited over Popsicles during the summertime and we'd challenge each other to see who made the biggest splash in the pool when we'd do cannon balls. It all floods in at once, and before I can stop myself, I fling my arms around Levi's shoulders and just pull him in tight, digging my face into the crook of his neck. I don't think I've ever hugged him this tight before. Maybe when I left for college. But that's it. I feel a knot in my throat and I just feel the tears threatening to pour out. I don't think I've ever cried in front of him, either. That's about to change. After a moment, I feel Levi's arms encircle me, protectively. His fingers dig into my back and he holds me tight. Tighter than anyone has ever held me. I feel a sudden need for him. Not sexually or anything. I just need him beside me. Like I always have. He rubs my back before slowly pulling away.