The Trouble with Black Series - Dangerous women

8 TAYLA

Sitting at the breakfast bar, staring into empty space, and I constantly stir the spoon in my coffee cup. I can hear the voices in my mind talking at me at once. I have only been thinking about Tristan. I woke up this morning empty. Instead of getting ready for a jog I got ready for work instead and ever since four thirty I have been sitting here thinking, reflecting, regretting.

All the voices whispering inside my head make me think about what kind of person Tristan could be. Many scenarios, quit a few different versions enlighten me to the many way that Tristan could hurt me. If he is a married man, I would never cross the line. I know that I would never sell myself short and be the other another women. I would rather be alone than be by his side unhappy. I continue to stir the spoon unaware that the sugar has likely melted already.

If Tristan was a sadistic psychopath, I know that I could never, ever trust him. I could never trust his intentions. When he is thinking about me; I would be wondering what ideas are running though his head that excite him. Being with me or killing me. I just couldn't put myself though it. It would be selfish and irresponsible, for him and for me. I rest my head in my left hand as I stir the spoon, distracted and absent from reality.

I don't want to be a good time girl either. It is not good for my confidents if I supported his actions to use me for his desire. What if I had affections for him, god forbids I fell in love with him and I allowed him to use me. What kind of person would tolerate this behaviour because they wanted to be with Tristan I cannot allow myself to get distracted? I am over Tristan. I have to end this now before it becomes too late.

"Good morning, have you been for your jog already? How is the deliciously hot Tristan Black this morning?" she inquires as she enters the bathroom. I shrug her comments off and take a slip of my coffee. I spit it out back into the cup, its freezing cold and leave the breakfast bar to empty the disgusting contents into the sink and put the cup in the dishwasher and return to the stool and resume staring into space. Jorja enters the kitchen and makes herself a cup of coffee. "Would you like a coffee?" she asks all happy and cheery.

I sigh "No thank you Jorja, you should make it a coffee to go because we have to get to work early" I replied melancholy. I stand up ready to leave.

"What is wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing, we should get going" I replied cheerless, I wasn't feeling her cheerfulness this morning and I just wanted to forget Tristan.

"I don't buy it Tayla Sheppard" she pours her coffee into a thermal cup

"That is good because I wasn't selling" I tried to show some humour so that she wouldn't quiz me anymore about what is wrong and eventually leading back to Tristan. We head towards the door together and leave.

***

At seven we are in the lift at this hour the lift is full and we squeezed ourselves in right at the back and separated from the eyes of eager and desperate male colleagues. "You didn't answer my question this morning" Jorja whispered lightly.

I connect and make eye contact with her "I told you I wasn't selling" I whispered back.

"Fine if that's that you want! How is Tristan this morning?" she whispered.

"I honestly don't know" I whispered.

She frowned and I could see the confusion in her sapphire eyes "Why? Didn't you see him out on your adventures this morning?" she asked hoping to hear some details about Tristan and me. I hate to disappoint her but I feel a huge detective Jorja O'Brian lecture coming on. But I didn't care. A relationship of any kind with Tristan would be inappropriate.

The lift doors open and we squeezed out though people and into reception "I didn't go" I confessed.

"Wait, what do you mean you didn't go? You didn't go jogging?"Her voice high pitched, she is discombobulated.