The Trouble with Black Series - Dangerous women

13 TRISTAN : THE REVELATION

I ran out as fast as I could from Tayla and Jorja's apartment. I head to my car, got inside and drove away. For the first time in my life I actually felt fear, I always suspected that my feelings for Tayla were nothing serious but kissing her was like a punch to the face. Reality's cruel kick in the nuts, that wakes me up. I am in love with Tayla, what I feel is real and no longer a doubt or suspicion.

I push my foot down hard on pedal and drive fast through the city and tap my fingers frantically on the cream leather steering wheel, I am terrified. I never expected this to happen. That split second kiss felt more right than anything I have ever done in my life, 'How could this happen?' I am not a man who can fall in love, and the kind of women I find attracted are not sweet and caring like Tayla. They are the opposite.

I slow down and stop at the traffic lights, the red light fills my car and I am staring into space thinking about who I am. I like my life to be fast and loose, the women want one thing from me that I am willing to give with pleasure. Denia was the first women I thought I cared about, but I know now that I didn't feel what I thought I did. I was young and stupid, I was searching for a meaning and instead I hurt people trying to figure it out. When I made it to the top with my skills and knowhow I meet Charlotte my first PA, Charlotte was the first person after Denia that I thought I cared about. Charlotte left me and I thought I loved her, but now I realised I didn't know what love was and I didn't love Charlotte. Ava was my rebound, I needed fun and she gave it to me, I liked her a lot but none of these women are Tayla and I do know what I feel for her.

A horn interrupts my train of thoughts and I pound the pedal and my car screeches away from the lights. I shoot though the street with urgency. My chest burns with fear as I relive, remind and recall the kiss that has turned my simple, fast and loose life upside down. I cannot face her, I can't look at her beautiful face, the touch of her lips on mine, I cannot think about her. 'It's over before somebody gets hurt', before I hurt her and I get hurt.

***

At my apartment, I head straight to my kitchen; I pass my housekeeper and walk straight to the cupboard. I pour myself an extra large glass of Jack Daniels. "Are you ready for dinner Mr Black?" Martha inquires. I cannot imagine putting anything in my stomach except drowning it with booze before the night it through.

I shake my head and take a large slip, "No thank you Martha" my hand shakes as I place the glass down on the counter without spilling it.

"Are you sick?" Martha inquires with concern as she eyes my drink.

I shake my head again bewildered, "What makes you think I am sick?" I ask her confusedly.

"Your hand is shaking. It never shakes, no matter how stressful your day has become. Your hand never shakes Mr Black" Martha concern wakes me up, she is very right.

I peer slowly down at my hand and it's shaking uncontrollably, I stare at my hand reacting without my consent, and it's a physical reminder that I am afraid to have strong feeling about Tayla. I retreat my hand behind my back, I urge it out of sight and out of mind. "Some days are just more stressful than others Martha" I tell her with confidents, even though I am not confident she will believe me.

Martha gives me a knowledgeable smile and I knew she didn't believe me one bit. "Is today one of those more stressful days? You know I don't believe you Mr Black, and I think you know that I am just amusing you. Are you ready to eat now?" she smiles and waits for my response.

I shake my head a take a large gulp of my Jack Daniels, "I can't bear to eat anything, and I just want to drown my stomach with booze. It's the only thing I can handle tonight" I reply.