December 31, 1861
Henry,
He is so small Henry. He is the smallest baby I have ever seen. He can easily fit into the palms of my two hands, with a little room to spare. He doesn't cry, he doesn't scream, the only noise I've heard him make was the shallow breathes he takes. The doctors say that he came out to soon. They think that the reason he doesn't make noise is because his lungs won't allow him to. They fear that he may not live. I fear he may not live. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I did wrong. All along, I was so scared about me bring a dead child into the world. But I soon forgot those fears; I hid them in the back of my mind. The Lord granted my wish, and I gave birth to a perfectly alive baby boy. But, he is going to die. Not only do I not have you, but I am to lose this innocent life I brought into this world as well. What does God have against me?
He was born on Christmas Eve. At first I had thought it was a Christmas miracle. I was so happy. But alas, his birth was not a miracle. I do love him, from his perfectly wrinkled nose, down to his tiny toes. I am just so afraid of losing him. I am so afraid all the time. I am afraid of losing our tiny boy Henry, and I am afraid of losing you.
I have noticed that you have not replied to my letters yet. How could I not when your letters our all I look forward to? I know that life is incredibly hard for you in the battlefield but do you not have any time to just write one letter, even a short "I'm fine and I miss you" would be alright. Right now I am so afraid that the reason you are not replying is because you have ceased to exist. Please terminate my woes and just write one letter so that I know you are alright. Life is so hard already, Henry, must you make it harder by not sending me any letters? Perhaps I should have waited a little longer for you to write me a letter. Maybe there is one from you already in the mail. I just didn't want to wait any longer to tell you about our son. I wanted you to know him when he was still alive. And although you might not be able to ever see his face, to look into his big brown eyes, to kiss his tiny hands, you should at least know his name. His name is Edward. Edward Henry Buckley. And he is the most beautiful child I have ever seen.
I hope you'll be able to meet him,
Martha
YOU ARE READING
Cease My Worries, Ease My Sorrow
Ficção HistóricaMartha is married to Henry. Henry's in the war. Martha's scared that Henry will die. Henry's confused on why they are killing their fellow Americans. Martha just wants to be happy. She just wants Henry to come home. And Henry, he isn't responding.
