The Slightest Glance

Why

   I began to scan my mind looking for a reason to go on.
   Tomorrow is Friday?
   Sure, if that's the best I can do.
   I went to the bathroom to wash my face. Looking in the mirror I wondered who I saw, who I was. What I saw was a pathetic excuse for a human. Someone with no purpose. I just looked down at the sink and turned on the water and splashed some on my face.
   I sighed and went into the kitchen to look for something to eat. I think I eat when I'm stressed. At least that's what my mom says. "Your not hungry honey" my mom said from the living room I looked over from where I was standing. "There's nothing to eat anyway" I said in return.
   I looked down for a second and went to sit in the couch across from my mom. " is anyone going to the store soon?" I asked. "Well your dad might go tomorrow, so don't worry" said my mom. I sat there for a few minutes as my mom typed on her laptop. I put my head back and looked to my side, then the other side. And then slowly got up then walked to my room past the kitchen and other living room. I closed my door then fell onto my bed tired of everything. My dad always at work, my mom going to college every night, and my school. Everything is so repetitive.
   I looked out of my window next to my bed and wondered if I could hide for all of tomorrow. It would be cold because it's winter. I could take two coats. I would get hungry. Granola bars. I would get bored, sketch book. Hm all I would need then was a good hiding place. WAIT! What am I doing? I can't hide for a whole day! My brain is messed up.
   I'm messed up.
   What if I always am. What if my life always sucks? Why should I live if it will always suck. Would it be worth it? I don't have any reason to be here anyway. Who would miss me.
   Thoughts rushed through my head. I shook my head around and walked over to my closet to put on shoes and a coat. I grabbed my pikachu hat and put it on and said I was getting the mail. I went into the front yard and walked towards the mail box then looked over and saw Austin, his bright red hair super noticeable in the snow.
   "Hey!" He yelled from his mail box across the road. "Hi!" I yelled back pretending to smile. (I can't walk very far with him there, gosh darn it Austin) I thought to myself. I sighed and grabbed my mail and went inside. I put the mail on the counter and went to the back yard.
   I looked around. I wiped the snow off one of the four chairs and sat down facing the grass from my porch. I looked over to my right because I felt something touch my arm. Joy, omg you scared me! I just giggled and pet her for a few minutes. Then I got up and walked around the hot tub to the fence where there was a giant puddle that froze into a small ice rink. Joy followed me onto it and slipped all over I laughed and helped her off.
I couldn't feel my feet anymore so I went inside and went into my room. I looked over at my phone. Doobeedoo I got a text. Probably from Sara. (AKA my best friend/Merp)
SARA: Hey!
ALEX: Hi! What's up?
SARA: not much just watching Netflix
ALEX: lucky 😝
ALEX: are you busy later?
SARA:yeah I have to go clean the park
ALEX: oh that sucks, well I gtg ily ttyl 😘
SARA: Bai!
   Sigh that was a short talk. I thought to myself. I guess I'll just shower now instead of tomorrow, then my hair can be dry at school.
   I walk over to my dresser and grab a new bra and stuffs. Then walk over to my closet. Dress? No not for school. Sweater? Too cold out. Skirt and sweatshirt? Heck yeah. I have a weird taste in clothing. I honestly don't care how it looks. Comfy before cute I always say.
   I get them and put them on my nightstand. Then grab PJs then hop in the shower. I look over to the soaps. I grab the shampoo and put it in my hair. Then rinse. Conditioner, boopy doopy doo doo da, I'm bored. After a minute of it in my hair I rinse it out then sit down on the floor of the shower to shave, it's easier that way. I grab the shaving cream and put it on my legs, then I grab the razor. As I shave my hand slips and the razor cuts across my leg. OW! Red flows down the tub then in the drain. I just sit there and watch the red drip off my leg then stand up and put away the razor. Welp that sucked. It hurt. Really bad. I get out of the shower and dry off. And get dressed. I walk over to my room. Then flop onto my bed.
   Then I sit up and look around my room. That cut didn't hurt that bad actually, for a second I felt relieved. Of stress. All I worried about was that cut. Why? I have no clue. I just know that's when it began.