Misadventures

So... I Wasn't Exactly The Nicest Kid On The Block

Apparently I was a devil child when I was young. I don't remember being so, but the stories mom tells me are damning evidence.

One time (at the same school) when the class was playing duck duck goose outside, I laughed when the kid I hated got pooped on by a bird. I don't even remember why I hated him... Later, I would have to take a picture with him on a field trip in one of those things you had to stick your head in. I was not happy about it.

Another time, I kicked a kid in the face when he didn't get out of the way. To my defense, I asked him to get out of the way and hanging from the monkey bars is not the most comfortable place to be for an extended amount of time.

My mother says I was worse outside of school though.

On a shopping trip I threw a fit in the isle. This was unfortunately one of many times, and my mother had had enough. On previous trips, she had tried walking away, hiding behind the isle divider. I was unfortunately not dissuaded and continued to throw a fit. It even got to the point where people would walk up to her and say, "It's not working". This time she had a plan. This time, she threw the groceries down, threw herself down, and started throwing a fit right next to me. I, shocked beyond belief, jumped up and said, "Not approppiate mommy! Not approppiate!" and tried to pull her up off the ground. She continued for a minute or two just for effect, then we left. I never threw a fit in a store again.

But I didn't stop throwing fits in general. I was one of those despicable children that would throw fits in the car where you could not escape. Again, my mother was not amused. She had tried everything, but nothing worked. One day she snapped. While driving down one of the many dirt roads in town, I threw a huge fit. My mother warned me if I didn't stop, she would stop the car and put my butt right on the side of the road and leave me there. I, of course, did not stop. The car lurched to the side of the road, mom got out, unbuckled me, picked me up, set me on the side of the road, got back in, and started to drive away. Obviously I was not about to let her leave without me, so I chased the car with all my little legs could muster. Thinking back on it, she must not have been driving too fast because I was able to easily catch up, which, considering I was in kindergarten, would not have been easy.

After that, I never threw a fit again. Not because of the experiences, but because of the combined efforts of an exorcism and a well balanced diet of meat, fruit, and vegetables.