Beating Hearts : A PaNi FF

Chapter 3

Parth

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

I groaned inwardly as a slew of curses escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes in frustration. What was I even thinking?

Clearly I hadn't been thinking at all or else I wouldn't have opened my mouth and babbled on like I did. I recalled her cold expression, the anger lurking in the depths of her big eyes and a sharp jab of pain pierced my heart again, knowing that I was responsible for that.

To be honest I hadn't meant to say anything.

I would have just taken her cold behaviour and lack of response in my stride-it wasn't like I didn't deserve it-and just moved on without bringing it up again. But the words had slipped from my mouth, my curiosity getting the better of me and then it was too late to take them back. Besides in the deepest corners of my heart, I knew I wanted to know the reason behind the change in her behaviour. Those moments were very close to my heart when it was only us and nothing else mattered. We would eventually go back to ignoring each other and pretending that nothing happened, but in those few moments our passions and feelings were uninhibited and identical. It was our momentary heaven.

It was ours to behold and cherish.

How much ever I might deny it, her vacant expression tugged at unknown corners of my heart and it felt like she had denied me something which was rightfully mine. Had she really had enough of me? Did I do something to upset her? Again? Or was something else entirely amiss that I wasn't aware of?

For a moment as I reflected on my own thoughts, I felt a pang of disgust at myself. Here I was asking her, no not asking, prying into her personal thoughts, demanding explanations from her for her behaviour which in all respects was nothing short of professional and decent, in an attempt to soothe my own curiosity, for my own selfish needs when in all the time that we had been acquainted with each other we had not even had one genuine conversation. We barely exchanged pleasantries with each other never saying a word more than was required. I tried to remember the last time we had spoken to each other and the conversation had not been about a scene or our characters. Nope, nothing. I came up with scratch.

What right did I have even asking her that?

There sure must a special place in hell for people like me I wondered acidly. I sighed again.

My eyes stayed glued to empty space beside me, as my mind tried to catch up on the situation. I shook off the glooming thoughts and climbed down the vanity in search of her. As I came out and looked around I couldn't find her in the near vicinity. My heart beat sped a little as I frantically looked around, fear slowly starting to grip my senses, when a dash of colour near the ocean caught my attention. I squinted into the direction where I had spotted her, about twenty feet away from the van, and realised that she was sitting on the shore, the waves gently crashing against her petite form. I gazed at her unblinkingly taken in her small form, her fragile frame as a sense of relief washed through me. She seemed so breakable, so small, like a lost little girl. I was always extra careful with her when we had to be close, afraid that a little pressure might shatter her. It took all my self-restrain to be gentle with her.

My feet started moving towards her of their own accord and I found my heart beats increasing in sync as the distance between us decreased. I came to stand near her, standing a few paces away from her and stared at her sitting on the sand, her lower body already drenched from the waves that were continuously crashing against her. She didn't seem to mind the cold water, even though there was a chill in the air. She didn't look at me but I knew that she knew I was standing there as her shoulders which until now had been relaxed went rigid as stone and her back straightened. Her lips were pressed into a hard line, and I saw her hands clenched into fists.