More Than I Thought

Untitled Part 4

For two years, I lived alone with these memories. But then one day, he just walked into my life. With his goofy mile, flowing hair and big brown eyes, I fell hard. He was everything to me. I was so young, yet I thought I had found my soulmate.

I looked at this boy like he put the stars in the sky. I was so naive. 

He was 17 and I was 14 when I lost my virginity to him. It wasn't how any girl wants to lose their virginity; back behind houses in the woods on a dirty towel. But I thought I was in love, and would do anything to please him. After all, he cared for me too. He wasn't using me for what the others had. 

But after that day, things would escalate much more...

He was always a partier (and I never was), so he'd go to parties, get drunk, do drugs, and I'd heard from people at school of him "hooking up" with other girls while he was there. However, if I ever brought it up, it turned into my fault.

Everything turned into my fault.

Months went by and we fought more and more. The fighting I could handle. The bruises and blood? No.. I couldn't handle that. He was full of misplaced rage. I remember his hands coming down on my skin time and time again, and I never yelled. Not once did I cry. 

I remember so vividly the day I went home and looked into the mirror before getting into the shower, and seeing his handprint, all five fingers, welted into my side. That was the first day I cried looking at a bruise. That was the day I realized it had to end. 

I was afraid of what would happen if I left him. In all honesty, I thought I could fix him. I thought I could change him. But I couldn't. Nothing can and nothing will. 

I was with him for a year and six months. For 12 of those 18 months, I dealt with his rage and anger. 

12/18months

One year.