Soldier: "When rockets, bombs, and bullets won't work, cry 'Havoc' and let slip the dogs of fire,". Sun Tzu said that.
Mr. Deep: ...Ok... Anyway, Soldier, do you remember what your initial thoughts were when Pyro joined your squadron?
Soldier: During the early fights of the Great Gravel Wars, it was only me, Heavy and Engi. I called that yelling lady, demanding more American troops; what I got was Pyro.
Mr. Deep: You don't think Pyro is from the United States?
Soldier: OF COURSE SHE'S NOT! No self respecting patriot would need to wear a gas mask at all times. A true soldier would show his blood-stained, battle scarred face off to the world, to show his enemies just how much they have to fear. They are not scarred of mumbling maggots. AND I SHOULD KNOW!
Mr. Deep: You conducted a survey with the BLU Mercs?
Soldier: No. I sent them a letter telling them not to attack my control point. They replied with a drawing of Pyro's mask drawn in blood.
Mr. Deep: I...don't know what that signifies, but I'll take your word for it.
Soldier: I also think that Pyro is not even a man!
Mr. Deep: You think Pyro is a woman?
Soldier: She giggles, maggot. No man worth his testicles would giggle on my battlefield.
Mr. Deep: O...k...
Soldier: But if I am being honest in this interview. Pyro is a good soldier. She follows my orders without hesitation and laughs at the face of danger. She is the only maggot I never have to yell at for failure. So despite her...flaws...I am proud to have Pyro on my team.
Mr. Deep: Wow, Soldier. Never pegged you for the inspirational sort.
Soldier: I have read War and Peace.
Mr. Deep: You read anything with the word "war" in it, don't you?
Soldier: Affirmative.
YOU ARE READING
Who is the Pyro?
Fiksi PenggemarA reporter interviews the RED Mercs regarding their personal take on the identity of their mumbling comrade, the Pyro. These are his findings.
