Our Story (boyxboy)

6. Confused?

Gavin's POV

I had just gotten off the phone with Josh and I still couldn't believe Kale had told him. What's even more unbelievable, is that he's having the same dreams as me. Dreams involving us, going on dates, spending time with each other while watching the sunset, looking out over the ocean while we lay on the beach, my head in his lap. The dreams where I wouldn't want to wake up, in fear of losing the memory.

I'm staying over at Jon's house tonight. Nothing crazy is happening, well, not yet at least. I want to take things slow. I don't want to end up like my last relationship. Just thinking about him makes little pieces of my heart break off and fall into the never ending abyss that is my soul. The pieces come back, especially when I'm with Jon, but that just means they can be broken again. Jon makes me feel, special. He makes me want to continue life even when I'm thinking of resorting to old habits. He makes me feel safe when I'm in his arms. He comforts me when I wake up in the middle of the night, crying, because someone died in my dream. He's always there for me. Even when I can't be there for him.

"Hey babe," he says to me, flashing me a quick smile.

"Hey," I give him a shy look because I know what he's gonna ask me.

"Who were you talking to?" He gives me a puzzled look.

"Oh, it was just Josh," I sigh, wanting to explain but also, not wanting to.

"What could he have wanted at," he checks his watch, "12:33 in the morning?"

"He just seemed really stressed about this paper," I lied.

"Oh, well I'm going to bed, would you rather sleep on the floor or.....?" He has that sly smirk I know all too well.

"I'll come to bed in a minute, let me wash my face," he gives me a short laugh and walks away. "AND DONT HOG ALL THE BLANKETS." I yell so I can make sure he heard me.

After washing my face, I slowly get into Jon's bed. He turns to face me and we have a little sleepy conversation.

"You know I'm here for anything you need right? All you have to do is ask," he says with a breath out.

"I know bb, it just... Some things I need to handle on my own ya know? I'll always ask you for help when I need it though, honest," I give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

That's when he said it. I'm not sure if he was just half asleep or what but all I heard before drifting into my dream was,

"I will always love you Gavin Frazier."

My eyes shot open and I turned my back towards him. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls us together. We're snuggling, and it feels... Right. It feels perfect. If only I could relax into his arms and fall asleep. But those words, that sentence, why?

Why did he saying this? Did he mean it? Do I love him back?

So many questions and thoughts fill my head that it's impossible to sleep. I lie awake for hours upon hours, just, thinking. Wondering if we're moving too fast. I have a sudden flash of the bright headlights in my face and I quickly sit up. Jon doesn't seem to wake up so I go to grab a glass of water. I begin to wander around Jon's house. His parents are away doing some family stuff right now and won't be back for another week or two. I told Jon I would stay over until his parents got back if he wanted. He seemed really happy that I made that suggestion because ever since that day, I've been over here. I really should go home soon though, to take care of Crescent and make sure he's got enough to eat and drink. I check my phone to see the time but it turns out I have 4 missed calls:

Kale: 1 missed call

Josh: 2 missed calls

Jackkkkiee: 1 missed call

I become a little worried.

Why are they all calling me? Did something happen?

Thoughts swarm my head of tragedies and incidents that could've involved Josh being in the hospital. I've had dreams of him lying on that gurney, struggling to hang on to life. Quickly, I call back Josh, hoping he's okay. After a few rings he picks up.

"Hello?" I asked on the verge of tears.

"Hey," he says the with such a monotone voice I become worried.

"Are you okay? Is anything wrong?" I ask frantically.

"No I'm fine, why?" He seems, asleep almost.

"I got two missed calls from you and I got really worried," I say, taking a sigh of relief and trying to regain my breath.

"Oh, I was just trying to get some help for that research paper," he says with a small laugh.

"Ohhhh okay, that makes sense," I try to recompose myself but my breathing is just everywhere right now.

"Yea I think Kale and Jaclyn tried calling you too," he sounds like he's still half asleep.

"Yea they did, I don't think it's necessary to call them back tho, I'll just text."

"True. Well, I'm going back to bed bc it's like 8:00 a.m. And it's a Saturday soooooo... No."

"Alrighty then, later fam."

"Later."

As I hang up the phone I have the biggest urge to whisper, I love you, but quickly force the thought out of my mind. I go back into Jon's bedroom and slowly get back into bed, trying not to wake him. I feel his arms wrap around me again and this time pull me closer and hug me tighter. I can barley hear it but he says,

"Don't ever leave again, please... I don't know what I would do without you. I love you." He says this and drifts back into his sleep.

My eyes begin to drift close, letting everything he just said sink in.

He loves me. I wanted to tell Josh I love him. Do I love Jon? Does Jon really love me? Will I ever get any sleep tonight?

Does Josh have, feelings, for me?