Jealousy

Chapter 5

"Harley."

She was sitting alone on the swings in the play area outside the asylum when Dr. Bryan approached her. She turned and smiled at him, but it was obvious she had been crying.

"Hi, Johnny. I hear you're leaving."

"Yes. Under the circumstances, I think it would be best if I find another job elsewhere," replied Dr. Bryan. Harley nodded, and they were both silent.

"Have you seen him since..." began Dr. Bryan.

"No," interrupted Harley. "No. Nobody's seen him. He's been locked in solitary. And even if he weren't, he wouldn't wanna talk to me. Not after this. It's the end for us."

She suddenly laughed, which deteriorated into a sob. "And you wanna...you wanna know something funny, Johnny?" she said, half laughing and half crying. "I...I still love him!"

She choked on her sobs and he embraced her tenderly. "I thought...I thought for a while that I had kissed you because I secretly wanted to be with someone else, and that that was proof of it. That maybe I didn't love Mr. J as much as I thought I did. But that ain't true, Johnny! I love him so much it hurts! I love him so much that he's become a part of me – I can feel him in every breath I take and every heartbeat, I can hear his laugh ringing in my ears when I'm alone, and I see his smile in front of me when I'm lying awake at night. Without him, the world is bleak and miserable, and I'm alone and scared and cold, wandering lost in it. He's something I can't separate from myself anymore – if I don't have him near me I don't feel like myself. I don't feel happiness, joy, warmth, laughter - he's all of those things. He's everything that's good in me. And without him, I'm...I'm...nothing."

Dr. Bryan gazed at her. "For all the harm I've done to you, and all the pain I've put you through, I'm sincerely sorry," he whispered. "If I could do anything to change what has happened, I would."

"I know that, Johnny," she breathed. "You're a sweet guy."

He nodded and turned to go. She caught his hand. "It was a sweet kiss too," she whispered. "I ain't ever had a kiss like that before. I think I returned it because I wanted to feel what it was like, sweetness, tenderness, goodness. But it ain't for me, Johnny, not really," she said, forcing a smile.

He smiled back. "Well, at least it was good for something, then."

"Yeah," she agreed. "And, y'know, it was...nice. If I was ever the kinda girl who wanted to date a nice guy, Johnny, it would've been you. I want you to know that."

He smiled again, then tenderly brought his lips down to hers and kissed her gently, a kiss that conveyed true depth of feeling, and Harley returned it. He drew away at last and whispered, "Goodbye, Harley."

She watched him walk away, and then turned back and stared at the bleak horizon.