My abuser

chapter 11

A little while after our talk the boy left. He went to go sign some papers. I couldn't even talk anymore. i was so stunned and mad and sad at the same time. I mean my grandmother was dead and my father was still out there. Everything i had is gone. I could never be the same knowing that I'm on my dads hit list and would need to be in a protective home. i would never live with myself knowing that i was also the reason why my grandmother was dead. I just wouldn't want to live anymore. I actually didn't want to live anymore. I was done.

i slowly got out of my bed and walked to the bathroom using my crutches. i looked around for something sharp to use. i had heard of cutting allot. Yes, i heard it stung at first but then it should stop. I looked in the slots in the shower for a razor but couldn't find one. i turned and looked around the sink and the medicine cabinet. Still noda. i finally chose to give up and walked back to my bed when i saw my duffel bag sitting in a chair. i hobbled over to it. i unzipped it slowly and looked through it frantically.I found my bathroom bag and pulled it out. a hint of happiness fell over me when i saw the razor. i sat down on the edge of my bed and let the razor kiss my hands leaving behind a sting and blood. i did a couple on my write arm then did the same on the other. I set the razor down on my bed and laid back.

I spent the next couple minuets in silence when i heard a knocking on the door. I sat up frantically and looked back at the door. i knew that if they saw me i wouldn't be able to see my grandmother. I jumped out of bed and started limping back towards the end of the bedroom.the door swung open upon seconds and a man stood there and cautiously came towards me. i didn't even flinch just stood there. i looked down when i saw how much i was bleeding on the floor and how far the puddle was near my feet. i looked around again and saw my last chance. i started backing away when i hit the wall. i started leaning back and pushed on it. It shattered into a million different pieces and looked strait into the doctors eyes, and of the eyes that belonged to the green eyed boy who was so nice to me for so long. i laughed and said with the most simplest tone. 

"You could've never saved me. i was already dead."

They looked at me stunned. i lifted one of my hands and kissed them goodbye for the last time. then tilted back and felt the wind go through my hair. i felt myself fall and gravity take over. i looked up the whole time and fell from the seven story building. i saw the windows pass by. Sometimes there would be someone standing there looking down at me. i laughed as there eyes fallowed me and they mouthed something. I felt nothing when i died. i heard silence then screams as i drifted off into the darkness. But the darkness turned into light and i heard something call for me.

"Honey Ive been waiting for you".

"mommy is that you" i said as i took my last breath and went with the one person i loved the most.

"yes darling and grandma is here to".