Short Stories/Poems

Butt Naked

This is a short story I had to write for school (it had to start with 'I was sitting in the kitchen sink'). Please comment C:

I was sitting in the kitchen sink.

Butt first.

Butt naked.

Yet I was in total bliss.

“Ahhhhhhhh” I sigh.

‘Why?’ you may ask, ‘were you sitting with your butt in the water of your kitchen sink totally naked?’

Good question. It is a bit of a long story, but I’ll tell you anyway. This whole fiasco started like this…

It was a cold, wet day in winter, and yet the teachers at our school were making us play footy. I’m all right, but I would definitely rather be at home any day. As I was about to catch the ball, I heard a chanting.

“Go Adam, Go!” I can hear Sarah Baker yell. I turn to look. She is super smart, amazingly athletic and as beautiful as a sunset on a twilit beach. She isn’t your typical popular, though; Sarah is also the most nice-natured, kindest person I know. She volunteers at animal shelters, competes in marathons for cancers, that kind of stuff. I know, right? Straight out of a fairytale. Golden hair that waves gently in the wind, a glowing smile that’s warm like the sun…

FWACK! The ball came crashing right into my face. I fell backwards, twisting and turning for balance, and landed facedown into a puddle of wet, sticky mud! I spat some mud out of my mouth and look up to see everyone laughing at me. As I stood, I tried my best to brush off the dirt before the teachers saw.

Too late.

“Mr. Johnson!” Mrs. Williamson shrieked like nails down a blackboard.

“What are you doing rolling around in the mud like a pig? You know very well that it’s flu season, and you’ll catch a cold being wet like that! Go home and bathe immediately!” she pointed towards the school gate. I grabbed my bag and trudged home. I mean, if a teacher tells me to go home early, how can I refuse them?

I dumped my bag in my bedroom and rushed to the bathroom. Half an hour after being told to go home and the mud had dried on me and was going flaky. Mum would have killed me if she came home from work that evening to find mud everywhere! I stripped, flicked the hot tap for the shower on and stood in the water. It felt so nice! After my shower, I dried myself off and headed to my room to get some clothes, only when I got there, there were no undies. Now, I’m not too keen on going commando, so I went outside to the clothesline, closing the back door as I went.

 As soon as I took a step outside, my senses were bewildered. I could smell the scent of the eucalyptus leaves towering above me; feel the cold bitterness nipping at my toes; even the rain drops on the grass looked nice. With the towel secured wrapped around me, I sauntered around to the back yard, only to find the clothesline empty. Of course! Mum’s a major greenie, but even that winter day was too wet to dry clothes. I raced back to the laundry when suddenly I hear a RIIIIP sound and the coldness became a whole lot breezier. I looked down to the ground to see my towel ripped up and snagged on a hook. It had been there for ages and was really annoying; you have no idea how many times I’ve stubbed my toe on it. So now I was outside, cold and naked. To make matters worse, the laundry door, and every other door, was locked.

Naked, cold, wet and locked outside.

Not my best day, I will admit.

No worries though, I could just break through the window in my bedroom. It was really loose. Only on that very day, it wasn’t so loose, because dad had fixed it, so my first try wasn’t as successful as I would have hoped.

“Come on, window! OPEN!” I grumbled as I attempted to yank it off the wall. My pointless grumbling was, well, pointless. I fell back onto the damp, cold grass, and sat there for a minute while I regained my strength. When I stood up I instantly felt the error of my ways.

My bottom was so cold it could fall off with frostbite at any minute!

“Ahhh! Geez it’s cold!” I yell to no one in particular. I needed to get inside fast.

I pried open the window the second time and crawled inside. I know I was naked, but at that point I had totally forgotten about the underwear and darted towards the gas heater. I turned to full blast and just stood there with my bottom facing the heater. I sighed and inched towards the heater. The heat felt so warming on my bare bottom.

“Ooohhh! Goodie!” I squealed like a little kid on Christmas. I found a $2 coin on the floor and bent over to pick it up. That’s when I started screaming.

I ran around screaming like a headless chicken. When I picked up the coin, my naked butt brushed against the heat and burnt it extremely bad. I ran in circles, lines, zigzags, and I even dragged my butt along the floor like dogs do when they have worms. My butt was BURNING!!!

“Ahhh!” I screamed as I ran to the kitchen, tossing out dishes out of the sink with a CLASH, BANG, SMASH! I turned the cold tap violently to the left, and tipped some ice blocks in from the freezer. Finally, I turned around and jumped butt-first into the sink.

So that’s how it happened.

I was sitting in the kitchen sink.

Butt first.

Butt naked.

Yet I was in total bliss.

“Ahhhhhhhh” I sigh.

But that’s not the end.

I was in such bliss, I didn’t even hear the doorbell ring, or the back door open. I did, however, hear a faint, soft voice of an angel.

“Uh, Adam? Are you okay? I came to check on you” Sarah said with her smooth-as-honey voice. She cared about me! She really did! About a millisecond later I realized what that meant. Sarah Baker is in my house- looking at me- sitting in the kitchen sink- naked. I open my eyes and turn to her.

“Ummm… yeah, I’m fine. Nice to see you” I say, with all the dignity I had left.

“Why are you... butt naked?”