How Dean "Ruined" Christmas

One

"Dean? Get up, I've got another case in Santa Cruz." Sam says loudly while shaking me. I grumbled not wanting to start the day at all. I just wanted to sleep, sleep helped me escape my past. "What?" I groaned into my pillow. "Case, Santa Cruz, leaving in ten minutes." Sam says agitated. I roll out of bed and slip on my shoes. I've been sleeping in my clothes for years now, knowing that anything could happen at any moment. Trust me, it's not good to know that, it makes you upset, very upset.

I head to the bathroom and look at myself. I look terrible. I look like I have been crying all night and lost all my family. Oh wait, that's exactly what happened. I shake my head and shave quickly, run my hands through my hair and walk out. "Let's go, Sammy." I say wanting to leave the bunker to get pie, hoping I will become happier after eating pie. "Give me a minute. Get this..." Sam says. Oh great, here we go again. "A woman was killed in Santa Cruz at 2pm yesterday. She had been mauled by a "bear". Although, she had two teeth stuck in her chest and a broken nail. Both abnormally large, even for a bear." Sam turns his laptop to show me the crime scene, nail, and teeth. "Dang, that girl's lover went a little wild yesterday." I joke. Sam shuts his laptop, stuffs it in his bag, and grabs his jacket. "It'll take a full day road trip to get there. I hope you brought your girly iPod with you so you don't get bored." I say laughing. Sam gets red, "Shut up, Dean. It's music from the eighties, I enjoy it." Then he rushes through the door. "Well then, leave me, why don't you?" I sigh and lock the bunker's door.

******

"I'll be back in a minute. Lock the door." I call to Sam as I am shutting the door of my baby. I walk into the store and buy myself an apple pie and Sam one of his gross smoothies. I also pay for gas. Something catches my eye. It's an elf in a box. The box reads, "Elf on the Shelf". Hmm, seems interesting. Maybe I can add it as a decoration. I pick up the box and read the back. It says something about it being for kids and that it'll make the house a happier, brighter place. Bull, but I'll buy it anyways, it's only eight dollars. I walk out of the store and pump gas. I hide the elf from Sammy, I want it to be a surprise. I hop in the car and start eating my pie. "Dang, Dean, can't wait one second, can you?" Sam laughs at me. I glare at him, "You didn't give me the chance to eat breakfast, this is my breakfast. Oh, here's your gross radioactive slush." I toss him the bright green smoothie. "It's actually farther from radioactive than your pie." Sam says, what a nerd. "Shuddup and let me eat my pie." I laugh and put in a tape in the cassette player. Bon Jovi- wanted Dead Or Alive.

It's all the same
Only the names will change
Every day it seems
We're wasting away
Another place
Where the faces are so cold
I drive all night just to get back home
I'm cowboy on the steel horse I ride
I'm wanted
Dead or alive
Wanted
Dead or alive
Sometimes I sleep
Sometimes it's not for days
The people I meet
Always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
Sometimes when you're alone
All you do is think

(This is the part Sammy starts to sing after I encourage him by singing with him.)

I'm a cowboy
On the steel horse I ride
I'm wanted(wanted)
Dead or alive
Wanted(wanted)
Dead or alive
Oh and I ride
Oh
And I'm a cowboy
On the steel horse I ride
I'm wanted dead or alive

I smile. Sammy lets loose. I can't do that... I'm glad he can. He doesn't have every single ounce of weight as I do on my shoulders, he has less. I live with regret constantly. Every single loss; mom, dad, Adam. There are more people, but I feel I'll  start crying if I think of all of them. All of the innocent people I've let get killed due to a slip up on my part. A stupid slip up. I'm a failure. Sam still has time to realize how good he's got it. I may not. I'm always sacrificing myself, and that's okay with me. Sam and everyone else's lives are worth more than mine. I've wronged. I am going to hell. Again.