Never Walk Alone

Chapter 17

I had started over too many times already. But this time would be my last. I had lost Darren and Garrett, who didn't want to talk to me at all, and the group of girls I had been temporarily hanging out with decided I wasn't worth their time. Which was fine with me! I knew there was a reason I'd know they were only temporary friends. But let's not get into that story.
At this moment forward, my emotions were uncontrollable. I didn't mean for them to be! I thought I was suffering so much, but it was selfish to think so when we have Darren dealing with two deaths in the family and who knows what else! And I had left him so soon.
I'd like to say I did that because he wanted me gone, so I left because I cared about him, but unfortunately, I was me and I was human and I had my own petty, selfish reasons for leaving him there alone. And like humans always did, I tried to cover it up with a convincing lie so I'd feel better about myself. I was guilty of it. We all were. But that would be an excuse as well, which is terribly wrong and I know it. It seemed I had messed up a good fat lot. A good fat lot that took me back to rock bottom. So here we go again. I sat at the back corner of the school, reading as usual. But it wasn't fun. It was so terribly boring and I wanted nothing more than to be friends with Darren and Garrett and be free of drama and stupidity and whatever else was thrown at me. I was looking around the room kind of stupid-like, just reading in a book. Garrett saw me at that time, and I looked at the book to avoid eye contact. I was aware of him looking at me in pity. I hated every bit of it. I stood flustered and silently angry at every person I had ever known and trying to blame people. Garrett walked towards me. I stayed still; it would be obvious that I noticed him if I just walked away. And I wasn't a drama girl; I wouldn't just walk away if someone wanted to say something, no matter how mad I was at that particular person.
Instead of saying anything, Garrett sat at the table beside me and I sat with him, huffing.
He stared me down a couple of seconds, like he was wondering where in the world Darren was and why I wasn't with him. I wondered that, too, most of the time.
"What happened?" he said gently, but it still had an edge to it.
I explained everything without much hesitation, surprising myself. I hadn't even asked where he had been the last few weeks and why he hadn't wanted to have anything to do with Darren. I just sat there. Something was holding me back from asking him. I don't know what it was about Garrett, but his emotions were radiating off of him, and they seemed mellow and downing. It confused me. He was the mystery that was Garrett. I found myself happy to be there talking to him although he hadn't hung out with us, just abandoning us basically. But it was like we both just kind of accepted the fact that one another had made mistakes and dropped the apologizing. It was weird, but nice.
      Later at home, I just stared at my phone. It was useless being mad at Darren, and every second of every day I was incredibly worried about him. But I didn't want to call because he might not even want to hang out with me. But I would call anyways. He would most likely want to come over.
     I called him and he answered a little slower than usual, but he answered nonetheless.
But he didn't answer right. He told me no, he told me he thought it was best if we weren't friends, he told me it was the best friendship he'd ever had a couple of months and now he told me to trash it. Can it. Throw it at a window. Drop it off a cliff. He told me, throw it away and leave it there.
      My heart fell down to my feet and I didn't bother to pick it back up. The devastation hit me at a maximum; I tried to protest but he threw things back at me. He was angry, sad, and disappointed all in one. I didn't understand it but him yelling at me hit me hard. I got off of the phone before I began bawling; although I'm sure he'd heard some of my crying when I'd tried to apologize. My head was a mess. I didn't compute to anything except for this: Darren was gone for good out of my life. He forced his way out. And with that I cried so hard at the thought of losing him as my best friend and losing every thought of him. And I stayed there all night. I cared too much for Darren for it to end like this, but he was thoroughly done.