You'll Be The Death Of Me

Violet Part 1

Walking home on Friday, I thought back to the Black Rose night and how I still didn't know his name. I didn't even know what he was like, but apart of me still wanted to hang out, chat, make friends. The other part of me wanted to kiss his neck and run my hands through his messy blonde hair.

Both differ incredibly.

Why do I feel like this? I've had one boyfriend in the past, a few years before I moved here, and it lasted about eight months.

One day, he had came up to me, asked for my number and said he liked me. I was a bit freaked. Shit like that never happens to a girl like me. I wasn't that into him at the time. He was quite attractive, and when we were alone he was sweet and kind, and I fell for him.

But he cheated on me mutiple times. Everytime we argued and I brought up all the times he had had sex and kissed other girls, he got angry. But that night, he got so angry he hit me.

"Vi? Vi - shit! - I'm so sorry! VI!"

He had kneeled by me, as I cupped my cheek. It pulsed in pain and my lip was bleeding through a slit. I was so shocked, I didn't push him off me and yell or cry as he hugged me and said he loved me.

He had never said he had loved me before.

"I've gotta go, Luke." I said quietly, as he sobbed into my grey top.

"No no no no Vi, don't go... please... I love you... I'm so sorry... don't go..." Luke begged. He begged me to stay with him.

In the months I had been with Luke, I always thought I loved him and I would be the one to beg him to stay with me. At that moment, I thought he actually loved me.

His phone went off at that point. It lit up with a text. I don't know why it was on the floor with me and Luke; it must've swung out his pocket when he hit me.

I picked it up and saw it was from my best friend. My best friend Audrey. Who had text my boyfriend.

Hey babe, we still on for tonight? This party sucks and I'm craving your lips ;)xoxox

Tears streamed down my face. I shoved Luke off of me.

"LUKE!" I yelled. "Ho-how fucking could you?! How could you- how could you even SIT there and TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND you love her!" I yelled, my voice breaking from the extreme pain of crying I was going through.

"Vi, what are you on about? I do love you..." Luke rubbed his eyes, still slightly pissed from the alcohol we had drank just an hour before the party. Then the argument happened. Then the hit happened. And if that hadn't happened, we would've gone to the party and Luke would walk off and fuck my best friend and I would just stand awkwardly by myself in a corner of the room, holding a plasic cup of beer, waiting for my disloyal boyfriend to show his face. Except I never knew he was fucking my best friend.

"I should've left you," I starred into the distance, realisation throbbing through my body. "If I'd left you then I wouldn't feel like this!"

"Feel like what?"

"A piece of shit on the bottom of your fucking shoe! You never wanted me! If you wanted me you wouldn't have kissed Angela, you wouldn't have fucked Savanah and you wouldn't be fucking my best friend!"

Luke was shocked.

"I'm leaving. Goodbye Luke, you fucking asshole. Tell Audrey I said fuck you."

Then I left.

No one at school knew anything. Except that I no longer had a boyfriend to protect me from their bullying.

I walked into school that following Monday, and all I heard was:

"Hey Violet, heard your boyfriend did a hit and run."

"Urgh, it's no wonder. He had been cheating on her since they had been together. He was a fucking asshole, but if he could get all them girls, I have no idea why he went for Violet." Some girl said and they all chuckled.

"Why don't you stay out of it?" I turned to them with gritted teeth. That was the first time I'd ever stood up to them. "What the fuck is your problem? Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Another boy mimiced.

I started to walk towards the gates. I just wanted to get home.

Two boys followed me but the others just went, I guessed.

"Stop following me." I said.

I was walking through the park, and they were still there.

"What are you doing?" I announced, annoyed. I turned around and one of them shoved me against a tree while the other put a knife to my throat.

"What the fuck..." I choked out. "Wh-what are you... stop!"

The one holding me against the tree smiled.

I don't want to say what they did to me. But it scarred me.

I went home that night and I locked myself in my bathroom which linked to my bedroom. I shuffled through my school bag and I found a sharpener and I banged it again and again against the sink and the blade fell out.

And I slit my wrists. I cried and I cried and I cut and I cut. And blood was all over me and all over the sink. And all I wanted to do was kill myself.

A/n
If anyone reading feels suicidal, or sad, or depressed, or in need for a nice happy chat my inbox is open. Please remember this is a story and suicide isnt the answer. I'm always here for anyone who needs help.