You'll Be The Death Of Me

Violet

I have a new found confidence on Monday morning as I walk into school, hand in hand with Tate Langdon.

People stared a lot. They whispered, too. But no one said anything out loud. No one beat us up or shouted shitty things. In a way, some looks were looks of respect; we are both obvious depressed teenagers, bullied, a bit insane, but in the darkness where we individually fought for our lives and were on the verge of giving up, we found eachother. But I don't know, maybe they were smiling about something else far more necessary and happy than sad teenagers finally being happy.

Throughout the day, I held hands with Tate. He walked me to my lessons, we hung out at our breaks and we kissed a lot. But no one said anything. Not. One. Word.

And it felt so good to get some peace and quiet; especially as I wasn't on my own.

Everytime me and Tate kissed, I feel happy sparks light up in my heart. I normally hate the cold, but Tates cold blooded hands feel like ice cubes on my skin in the middle of a hot summer. It feels refreshing and ...beautiful, weirdly enough. Tate is just beautiful in so many ways to me.

At the end of the day, me and Tate walk home, along the desolate road to my house. My head is on his shoulders and our hands are entwined.

"We did it." I say, chuckling. "We survived high school for one day!"

Tate laughs. "I never thought that day would come."

I stop walking and Tate does, too. I smile, laughing happily and kiss him. He kisses me back.

My hands run through his hair, messing it up and I feel his own hands trail around my hips and lifting my top slightly, curving around my waist, giving me goosebumps. But the goosebumps aren't because I'm cold.

We break away, and he rests his chin lightly on my head as we cuddle.

"It's weird, Violet."

I chuckle slightly. "Why are there are a lot of things weird with us?"

He laughs, but then begins again more seriously.

"But it is weird. I don't know you inside and out, but I think I'm in love with you..."

I say nothing, but hug him tighter, heart thudding.

"I don't even know if we go out; I mean we pretty much are, but it was never official. I love you, Violet, and I trust you and I want to keep you safe forever. Forever in my arms."

I pull away, looking at the ground. I don't know how to feel.

I watch Tate put his head in his hands and cry and crouch on the ground. I stay silent.

"I'm sorry, Violet. I'm sorry that creeped you out. I just really want you to stay with me. I'm sorry. If you want me to go and never see you again, I understand. Just tell me. And... and I'll leave you. Okay?"

His words have scared me... love? How could anyone love me?

He looks broken, by my feet, sobbing, begging to leave me if it will make me happy. What's the matter with me? Every heartbeat of mine is thriving with love for Tate. But all I can do is watch him fall apart on the lonely road with me starring down at him.

I slowly crouch down and grab his face. Literally. I grab it. I pull him closer so he is centimetres from mine and I feel his jagged breath and I see his tears and irritated eyes. Tears strike my eyes.

"Don't you ever... don't you ever, ever think that I won't stay with you. That I will leave you. Tate," I start to feel my tears fall, but I try to make my voice remain steady, "Tate, I would never leave you. Let's face it; in this shitty world full of shitty people, my shitty self is so god damn happy it met you, because believe it or not kiddo, you as a person have stopped me from killing myself; and I've only known you a few days. A few days. That's it. And every single day since I started elementary, I've wanted to kill myself. Until I got ... raped..." I swallow hard, "... I'd never had the guts to attempt anything that could end me. So when I did, everyday since then I've wanted to overdose and slice my skin to ribbons just to kill myself. I thought no one cared about me; but now I realise I was being selfish. You opened my eyes, Tate. You made me realise my Mum cares for me so much - so god damn much - at home, and my Dad cares about me too, even if he is in New York. I have my cousins and grandads and my nans that care about me. I'm not alone, not really. And now I've got you, I've never felt happier."

Tate beams and cries in front of me.

I let go of his face, and touch my own; it's damp in tears. I breath slowly, realising what I just said and how true it is. I didn't even know I felt like half the things I just said.

I look down at Tate, who is hugging me and saying he loves me over and over again, and he looks so cute and small hugging me, as we crouch on the side of a road. I realise he is the reason. He is the reason how I found myself.

"I love you, Violet. I love you so much." Tate says, again and again.

I make him look at me. His eyes are wider and more frantic than I've seen them before. He looks happy, but I have a feeling his ..crazy... is kicking in. I don't care. I would help him no matter what.

"I love you too, Tate. Forever and always." I brush my lips against his and hug him tight.

We get up, and walk home, hand in hand, the love we have for each other feeling certain and stronger.