Losing control

Chapter 9

Still Toby's pov
"Spence" I say but she interrupts me and shakes her head.

"No, no you have to promise me... Tobes I can't lose you too please just promise me." She practically begged me. She stared at me with puppy eyes knowing I wouldn't be able to say no now.

I gave in "fine I promise..... Now please just tell me" she stands up in the middle of the room looking down at the ground I get up and stand in front of her holding both her hands.

"Okay I've been thinking about things for the past two days which is why I haven't been answering you or anyone for that matter, I've just been off." She takes another deep breath "I get this feeling of loneliness, you want to be alone but you hate being lonely it's hard but you have to deal with it because you've been alone all the time and you're used to it but you still hate it but you go in with life even though it's eating you in the inside. You pretend your fine you don't want to annoy people even though they say you aren't annoying them you still feel like your annoying them, that's why I didn't call you or my friends I didn't want to annoy you guys anymore and maybe if I went away everything would be..... Fine." She's full on crying again and breathing unevenly and a hug her again just like we were before my grip on her strong but not too strong so she could breathe I start to whisper in her ear trying to get that thought out of her head because I can't bear to live a life without her.

"Why would you think that Spence your never annoying me ever, even if you think you are I don't care you come to me right away. No Spencer it would not be better if you went away I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing you would be gone and I didn't do anything about it I can't live without you...you shouldn't feel this way spence, loneliness because I'm here okay if you ever need someone I'm here I don't want you to be alone I'm one call or text away and I'll be here. I promise because I wouldn't be able to live without Spencer...... I love you. I was crying now and her sobs were dying down and mine were just starting I hated thinking she actually thinks this stuff about her because she means so much to me I really do love her I mean how could I not. I need to protect her so this doesn't happen again, or if there's a next time it might go further than just hurting herself and I will not let that happen. I hear her muffle into my shirt.

"I love you too." In a whisper only I could hear. I pick her up again and take her into the bed and setter down this time I don't lay down with her I look at the time 2am and think she's fine it's Saturday. But I'm also tired from crying and of course school and I plant a kiss on her forehead and start to walk out of her room but as I'm about to walk out of the door of her room I hear a little "stay" and that's all she had to say before I got into bed with her laying close to her she immediately wraps her arms around my neck and my arms wrap around her waist, our legs tangle up together and we both eventually fall asleep.

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