Careless (Cas X Reader)

Chapter 3

It was easier to look down at your feet, and to watch the ripples of water that were created when you moved, then it was to look up and see the pity that you knew was in Castiel's eyes.

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, before you watched it land in the water. It was then you heard Cas speak, and you inwardly cringed at what you knew he was going to say.

"Y/N, look at me," Cas says quietly, his voice booking no argument. You slowly raise your gaze, your vision blurred by the tears you were trying so hard to hold back. Castiel's blue eyes were darker, clouded over by a deep emotion, one you were unable to decipher. "Y/N, you are not alone. You have Sam and Dean, and me. I do not understand how you can feel alone when you are constantly with one of us."

You knew he wouldn't understand, Cas might have been around for centuries, but emotions were still relatively new to him.

Facing the water once again gave you the courage to push on, to make him understand what you were trying to stay. "I know Cas, but it's different. Dean has Sam, they will always chose each other first. And you have all your Angels, and heaven to deal with. I just feel like I can't do anything right, and you guys would be better off without me. That no one would miss me." You finished in a whisper.

Cas grabbed your hand in his, surprising you with the unexpected contact, and you stared at your combined hands, as a feeling of warmth spread through you. You knew one of the things that had you so far down was your feelings for a certain angel. Knowing he would never love you back was a hard pill to swallow, and it was the first step into your downward spiral.

"I don't know how to make you understand, but believe me Y/N, you matter to all of us. I can't imagine life without you, and you've saved Sam and Dean so many times, they would be hellhound meat without you."

Knowing that he was trying his hardest to understand but failing, you decide to brush it off, hoping he wouldn't notice that it was just another one of your acts. "Cas, I know I have you guys, that we are in this together. Don't worry, it's just a mood, but it will pass."

You stared deep into Castiel's blue eyes, hoping that the direct eye contact would show him that you were telling the truth. Inside you were quaking, Castiel's eyes were dragging you under his spell, and you weren't sure how long you could hold your lie.

When you thought you couldn't hold it any longer, Cas glanced down, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. You watched as he seemed to be listening to someone, his head cocked to the side.

Thankful for the distraction from you, you pulled your feet out from the cool water, and put your socks and shoes back on. Cas did the same, before taking your hand in his. "We have to go back. Sam and Dean found the spirit and are having some issues with it."

Breathing a sigh of relief that your interrogation had been briefly put on hold, you step closer to Cas, enjoying the feel of his arm wrapping around you as he transported you back to the diner.

Taking a moment to gather yourself after moving that fast, you didn't immediately notice that the Impala was gone. Of course Cas did, and he was furious. "How dare they leave? They knew this spirit was especially powerful, and would take all of us to take it down."

You were upset at the boys too, furious that they would continue on the hunt without you. Glancing around you noticed an older, beat up Honda sitting in the darkened corner of the parking lot, just asking to be "borrowed."

While Cas still fumed, you made your way to the car, glancing around to see if anyone was watching. Apparently you and Cas had been gone a lot longer than you had thought, because the empty parking lot was bathed in the darkened light of dusk.

Thanking your luck that the door was unlocked, you got to hot wiring it, proud of yourself when no more than 5 minutes had passed and the car was running. Cas had stopped ranting, and stood there watching you.

"Well?" You asked, waiting for him to climb in. He shook his head at you, before climbing into the passenger seat. "Y/N, you know this is stealing, right? It doesn't seem right. I could have transported us over there."

"I know Cas, but I still have a headache from the last transport, and if I'm going to be fighting a vengeful spirit, I need all my wits with me."

You drove as fast as the old clunker would let you, making it to the cemetery in less than ten minutes. The Impala was already parked outside of the gates, and you slid the car behind it. Turning to open the door, you were stopped by a hand on your arm.

"Y/N," Cas started, but you stopped him.

"Cas, now really isn't a good time. Those two buffoons need our help, and could already be in serious trouble. We'll talk later."

"Please be safe. Don't try anything stupid." He begged.

"Opening the door, you grabbed your weapons, before turning to him. "I don't make promises I can't keep." You told him before squeezing through a gap in the fence and running towards the action.