Careless (Cas X Reader)

Chapter 5

Small quiet sounds slowly woke you. Comforting sounds, that almost lulled you back into another round of deep sleep. Simple sounds, that of someone breathing quietly next to you, the rumble of a tv turned down low, the quiet clacking of someone typing on a computer nearby. The sound of an old beaten down heater trying to run.

These sounds let you know that you weren't dead yet, unless your heaven consisted of spending time in a hotel room with Team Free Will.

With your eyes still closed, you took the time to take stock of your body. For being attacked by a vengeful spirit, you felt surprisingly well, only a couple of aches and pains, but nothing like you would have expected to feel.

As you laid there, the sounds in the room changed, the breathing grew closer, and the sound of footsteps came to the side of your bed. Wanting to wait and see what would happen, you pretended to still be asleep, keeping your breathing slow and steady.

A chair scraping against the floor was heard, along with the rustle of clothing. It was then Sam spoke softly, "Cas, we're heading out for food. Give you some time alone with Y/N. We will be back soon."

Once the door opened and closed, you felt the side of the bed dip, as Cas sat down next to you. You felt guilty for acting asleep, but you were curious as to what was going to happen.

The sudden contact of Castiel's warm, callused hand grabbing your own was almost enough to give away your act, but you were able to control yourself.

You felt his thumb rubbing the top of your hand, making soothing gentle circles. "Y/N, I can sense that you're awake. Come on honey, open your eyes."

You opened your eyes, stunned that he had known you were faking it, and stared straight into the most stunning pair of blue eyes that you had ever seen. You knew you would never get used to how brilliant and bright blue they were, almost as if his angel grace was shining through.

"How did you know?" You whispered, your voice weak from lack of use.

He smiled, his crooked toothy smile making your heart melt. "I'm an Angel, remember? We can sense things. Now, how are you feeling?"

You scooted up on the bed, Cas leaning forward to help plump the pillows behind you. "I feel fine, maybe just a little bit sore. How long was I out?"

Cas brushed an errant strand of hair from your face, his concern still evident on his face. "Two days. I was starting to become worried."

No longer able to look Cas in the eye, you glanced down at the cheap, rough blanket covering you, using your free hand to pull at the loose thread you noticed. "I'm sorry." You whispered, tears gathering in your eyes at the thought of how annoyed they probably were at being stuck and having to watch you.

"You're sorry? For what?" Cas asked, confused.

Still unable to look him in the eye, you pulled your hand from his, using both hands to pull and fiddle with the thread. "I'm sorry you had to worry about me. I'm sorry you, and Sam and Dean were forced to take care of me. To stay here instead of looking for another hunt. I'm sorry I screwed everything up. It would probably be better if I just packed up my stuff, and left you guys alone."

The tears truly started falling then. You didn't really want to leave the Winchesters, especially Cas, but you knew it was probably for the best. Then they could go back to their trio and forget about you, while you... You weren't sure what you would do, but at least you wouldn't mess up anymore of their hunts.

Cas stood up, and started pacing, his back towards you, so you were unable to tell what he was thinking. Maybe he was glad you had decided to leave, and was planning how to help move that along. The thought that he was happy you were leaving broke what little hope you had left in your heart, the hope that maybe you would finally belong with someone, that someone actually liked you.

You stood up, feeling dizzy for a moment, but you were able to quickly gather your wits, before moving to where your clothes were thrown haphazardly around your duffel bag. Grabbing a flannel, you pulled it on over your shoulders, before shoving the rest in the bag. You were only able to get one or two shirts stuffed in your bag before your arm was grasped, and you were roughly turned around.

"What do you think you're doing?" Cas yelled, and you were shocked to see how angry he had become. His nostrils were flared, and his eyes were squinted, his eyebrows drawn down in a frown. You automatically tried to step back, sudden scared of Cas, but his grip on your arm, left no room for movement.

"I'm packing, what does it look like?" You asked, using sarcasm to mask your fear.

Cas literally lifted you over the ground with the one hand, and tossed you back on your bed. He then stood, looking over you, his hands tight in fists, and for a moment you thought he was going to strike you.

"I got that you were packing, but why? Why do you think that we want you to leave?" Cas asked, a mixture of hurt, and anger causing his blue eyes to darken.

"Why? Because you would be better off without me! I'm stupid, and ugly, and have almost gotten you, and the Winchesters killed more times than I want to admit! The last few hunts, I was hoping the monsters would take care of me, because I was too afraid to leave you guys on my own! I know you would be better off without me, but I couldn't force myself to leave! I would have rather died, than not be with you. I'm pathetic." You ended your rant, glad that you finally got all of your fears and insecurities out, even if it let Cas see how little you thought of yourself.

During your rant, Cas had gone from angry to an emotion you couldn't quite name, but it scared you almost as much as his anger. His hands had unclenched, his shoulders drooped, and he was running his hand through his dark hair, making it stand on end.

"Is that really what you think?" He asked quietly, and you nodded, unable to speak past the lump in your throat.