Her. (girlxgirl)

Relapse

CHAPTER: 4

It has been a week and we haven't texted since the sleepover, so I decided to say something.

Me: hey beautiful

Her: sup mofo

What the fuck did she just say? She's probably kidding but that was rude. But whatever she's being weird so I'll just act like a friend through text if she is gonna be like this.

Me: wassup?

Her: im kinda busy helping my mom, you?

Me: nothin, but ill txt u later

Her: kk

It kinda bugged me that she was so different through text than in person, and I'm not sure who the real Robin is, but whatever.

The next month passed and nothing really changed except we talked the way we did before the night we 'confessed our love' to each other, which was good, I guess.

Me: Hey, my birthday party is on saturday but its just a sleepover between you and me because my mom doesn't want a huge thing happening. can you make it?

Her: lemme ask my parentals

Her: they said yeah, I'll be there at 2

Me: sweet, see ya then

I layed on my bed, thinking. I really couldn't wait to see her in person again, so I shut off my phone, and closed my eyes.

>>Fast Forward to Saturday>>

I wake up and see its 10:38 so I have about three and a half hours until Robin gets here. I was nervous for some reason, and I don't understand why. I've never been nervous around her when we were just friends, I don't see why this is any different, I mean she is still the same Robin than before.

I get out of bed and head downstairs, my mom is in the kitchen making the usual, pancakes.

"Good morning sweetie! Did you sleep well?" my mom says, cheerily.

huh, thats new I think, she hasn't been this upbeat in forever, maybe it's just because it was a 'special day'

"Good morning momma, I slept okay I guess, you?"

"Yeah I slept fine, are you excited for your birthday? Your grandparents sent in their gift in the mail and it got...." I stop listening because I'm so distracted by the thought of what's gonna happen between Robin and I this weekend. Does she still like me? What if she doesn't? What if she does?

"Lauren?" my mom says, I guess she noticed I was spacing out.

"Yeah? Sorry I got distracted" I respond.

"Oh, well breakfast's ready, so eat up!"

I sit at the table right when she puts the plate on the table and I take one. I eat unusually fast, and once I'm done I run upstairs and turn on the shower. I get undressed and hop in, my thoughts are flooding my mind, and for some reason I can feel my depression coming back.

I started getting depressed in 5th grade but it's been gone for a while, I guess I was relapsing. I look over at my razor, I hesitantly take it and remove the blades until I have three skinny blades in my hand. I take one and set the other two down on the side of the shower and sit on the floor with the water running on me.

Tears stream down my face as I think of my dad and all the things I've been called.

'Slut bitch whore nobody worthless nothing ugly fat weido faggot "go kill yourself" unloveable reject' all play in my head.

I look down at my thighs and without thinking I take the blade and slide it across my skin again and again. I stop after I realize what I'm doing and drop the blade and cover my mouth.

Hopefully my shorts can cover this so Robin doesn't see; I get out of the shower, enter my room, and get dressed. I put on a slightly oversized shirt and shorts and put my hair up in a messy bun. I wish I could wear jeans so I don't have to worry about my cuts showing but it's July, so I can't do so without seeming suspicious. I look in the mirror and see that it isn't very noticeable that I've been crying, thank God; the clock reads 1:43, I have enough time to calm down.

I scroll through all my old photos on my phone and as I finish I look up at the time, its 1:58; HOLY SHIT SHE'S GONNA BE HERE ANY SECOND I think to myself as I start freaking out. Almost on cue, I hear a knock on the door.