Used to Be (Kavi)

Not My Friend

Avi's POV:

Kirstin, Kevin and I stood in an elevator. We had just finished a small performance/meet and greet to promote the release of our new album. It had been a long, and fun day. But we were tired, so the elevator was quiet. I looked over Kevin and noticed he was staring at something with a puzzled look on his face. I followed his gaze which landed on Kirstie. She was leaning against the wall with her head down, her face looked worried about whatever she was reading on her phone.

The doors opened on her floor and she stood up and walked out, "G'night, guys."

"See ya," Kevin said

"Night."

"Have you noticed anything... off, about her lately?" Kevin asked after the doors closed.

"No."

"Really? The past couple of days she's been awfully quiet, and also kinda sad..." he continued, "You really haven't noticed?"

"I don't really talk to her, man." I chuckled a bit

"Really?" the doors opened again and we headed down to our room. "Hey, weren't you two like mad close not that long ago?" he asked. I just shrugged at him pulling out our room key, and opening the door.

"I don't know..." I said, "people change."

"Yea but Kirst?... or you?" he asked. I didn't respond, but I think he took the hint and dropped the conversation. Without much else, we went right to bed.

We used to be close. Kirstie and I, that is. We used to text each other, and send each other funny photos, and tease each other on Twitter. We're friends, but we used to be Best Friends. We used to go places together, and just hang around and talk for hours about nothing. I used to have a crush on Kirstie. Well, those feelings are still... frustratingly, there... I still look at her, and listen to her sing, and hear her laugh and think: Damn... She's perfect. I wish... But I always knew she was too good for me, and maybe she knew that too, because when another guy came around she stopped answering my texts, and spoke to me less when we were in the same room, and stopped laughing at my jokes...

I was happy for her when she started dating Jeremy. While I was jealous of him, I was happy for Jeremy too. He was this tall, fit, better looking guy. They matched each other and made sense together, and like I said... I knew she was too good for me. But the part that hurt me the most, was how she just cut me off like that. I thought we were friends... Just friends, nothing more... I didn't see any harm in our friendship and I didn't understand why she felt the need to avoid me like the plague. But she did.

So I played along. I pretended that I wasn't interested in what she was up to. I forgot about all of our inside jokes. I forced myself to stop staring at her. I unfollower her on Twitter so that I wouldn't have to see how adorable 'Jerstie' is. I kept our in person interactions to a minimal except for the occasional playing around while on camera, Like that time I used her to do bench presses on the tour bus during the PTXperience filming. I was surprised she had even agreed to that. That was the first time I had even touched her in about a year.

There was no bad blood between us. We were still friendly... just not friends. We were willing to hold hands and do prom posed for fans during meet and greets. We still smiled at each other politely when we entered a room... just to acknowledge the other persons existence.

I forgave her (In my mind) and accepted what now was, in spite of what used to be.

Kirstie's POV:

Lonely. I am lonely and sad. I don't have friends. I dropped them all for him, and he has just dropped me. How could I be so stupid? Why did I invest so much of myself into him, and us. Was it even worth it? Now, I don't even remember why I thought it was worth it. I blew of Scott and Mitch, I dropped Kevin and Avi... I even blew off Genevieve and Esther a few times to FaceTime him.

Now, that I need someone, anyone... I can't go back to them. I don't know how to ask their forgiveness... do they even like me anymore?

I'm pathetic. Now I have to rebuild the bridges I burned and the friendships that always mattered in the first place. Where do I even start. Where do I even find my own worth without him.

Two Weeks Later

Back in L.A, we were still busy will promo things. The business helped me forget about my woe's, at least only for a little while.

I was by myself in a small dressing room of this little studio. I was early and the first one there for this photo shoot. So I sat down and played a game for a little. I was holding it together pretty well. Jeremy was moving out, I was keeping a professional face at work. I was just taking care of business like the adult I was supposed to be... I knew, sooner or later, I would burst like a balloon if I wasn't careful. The door swung open startling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh! Hello" Avi stood there sheepishly holding his garment bag.

"Oh hey!"

"Sorry I uh thought this was the right dressing room." He blushed

"No No it's fine!" I said getting up to meet him at the door.

"Have you been here long?" He said looking at his watch.

"Oh maybe like ten minutes now." I said, I had to break eye contact with him. I was terrified that if I looked at anyone for too long they'd see right through me. I also noticed that this is about the longest conversation I've had with Avi in a while. I wished so badly that I could grab him and say sorry. I wanted to be able to hold him and talk to him the way I used too. The way I took for granted that I willingly threw away. thinking about him like this brought new tears to my eyes. I took a deep breath trying to stabilize myself.

"Kirst... Kirstie!" he shouted,

"Sorry!" I must have zoned out there.

"Hey," he stepped in and closed the door behind him. "Are you doing ok?" I looked into his eyes, and he looked back into mine. Those familiar eyes that had comforted countless times in the past are still just as I remembered them. His expression grew worried as he noticed my tears before I did. I had begin to cry, and at such a force that I doubled over and held my face. I just sobbed the way I had needed to a weeks ago.

He wasted no time wrapping his arms around he in attempts to hush me. "Shh! Kirst, it's ok!" he whispered. I didn't know why he was being so nice to me, I was mad at me for him.