FTM Transition Journal

12.8.15

Still a boy. lol. I jsut like being able to type that out and read it in my head tbh.

So, yesterday I talked to my friend about my gender feelings. Like, some days I feel more masc than others and I wasn't sure if that was going to keep me from transitioning. It's not a big difference in masculinity but i feel like its enough if I hesitate about it. I was reassured by at least half of my friends that everyone feels more masc or femme on some days and that it's normal. That really helped. Its not that I was questioning if I was actually trans or not, it's that I was questioning whether or not I would regret transitioning later. Especially after bottom surgery.

I can gladly say now that I don't think that will be the case and that I think I will be much more comfortable in my body once I transition. I mean, I'm 10x more comfortable now that my friends are (for the most part. but its okay I know its hard) using my preferred name and pronouns. It gets me super excited to think about once I start T and get to have a more masc voice and overall appearance. I honestly can not wait unitl I can start to transition. To be able to say that I'm in hrt will be great.

I looked up the costs of surgery the other day though... It was scary. I don't know how I'm going to afford it. Its a lot of money just to feel comfortable in my own body. Its a lot of money just to look and feel like the right gender. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I will. I'll find a way. I'm already saving up. I may have less than a dollar, but I'll do it somehow. There's always a way.