Bad Luck

Chapter 9

Valeria's POV:

I'm not very good at being alone. Never have been never will. So, as you can imagine, I wasn't coping without Harry very well. I acted fine around everyone else, as if none of this was getting to me. But in reality, I was dying without him.

So I decided today that I'd change that. Valeria would no longer be a single pringle, no sir! She'd have a new man wrapped around her toe. Someone even better than Harry!

I joined an online dating site, "Minglin' Pringlins'". I got my first "interestined pringle" in only a week of being on there! Of course I had to pay them to do so, but it was worth it!

His username was megalodoneatsyouruglyface, which was already a good sign of him being a romantic. His real name was Megalodon, last name not included on his profile. His hobbies included murderer, death, stabbing, and death.

He messaged me first (remembering that so I can say it when we get married) saying that he thought I was a "disgrace to all humanity". Harry never used to compliment me like that...

We messaged a lot, and he seemed like a pretty genuine guy. Although whenever I tried to video chat him, he'd always come up with an excuse. Meeting up with him was totally out of the question, considering he lives across the country from me. Ain't nobody got the dough fo dat!

But still, I found his secrecy a bit odd. Like he's not telling me something. What if he's not who he says he is? No matter how many times he'd assure me that he's who he says he is, I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

When I first told everyone about Megalodon, I thought that they'd be just as ecstatic as I was about finding a new man. But boy was I wrong...

"He's a total fraud!" Yamlak said.

"He doesn't seem like your type..." Harvee said.

"Get a guy you know is for realzies!" Ozi said.

"He sounds totes violent and evil! It's weird!" Rayanne said.

The only person who gave me any good advice was my mom. She was such a cool merman.

"Honey, I know just the man for you. Not to date, because you already have Megalodon, of course. Chuckle Chuckle! But to help you with your problem. His name is Nev, from the show Catfish, ya know? He'll help you find the truth about Megalodon," she said.

So that's what I did. I contacted Nev.

To: Nev

From: Valeria

Subject: Lyfe

Bardledoo! My name is Valeria and I've been talking to this guy, Megalodon, for quite a while now. I really like him and hope to have a future with him and make lots of feti. But he always makes up excuses for not being able to video chat and poop. So you should totes help meh. Deuces!

I closed my laptop and laid it on my emu-fur-covered nightstand. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, with no success. I looked at the clock beside me and groaned.

It read 3:45 a.m.

I hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to take drink some carpet cleaner, something that always helps me fall asleep when im having trouble. I turned on the light switch and fell to the floor in shock. There, standing next to me, was Mitt Romney.

His grey hair was slicked back with five hundred tons of hair gel and his wrinkly old face made me uncomfortable. He wore a black suit and red tie, he looked like a total caveman.

After catching my breath, I stood up and cleared my throat.

"What are you doing in my house?!?! Get out right now! I don't wanna catch your ugly!" I screamed. His attention went from the mirror, to me, and to his relfection again. He let out a hardy laugh that made me cringe.