December 10, 2015.

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I've been doing much worse. My hair is definitely thinning on my left side, and I believe I have a bald spot towards the back of my head on my left. It's covered, but if you flip my hair to the side it's quite obvious. I've been starting on my eyebrows more, and I am sometimes going after my eyelashes. I've been extremely stressed lately. My grades are slipping in school, my grandfather is doing poor, I just can't handle the stress like a normal person, I suppose. Most people just work on their stuff, listen to calming music, and do something that eases the anxiety. And here I am, tearing out my hair.

It's getting so bad. I just don't know what to do. I am looking at regular counseling, but my mom and I still need to find a counselor. No one at school knows about my pulling yet. If they do...it will be horrendous. People are just so mean. The last thing I need is everyone convinced I'm a freak. I've already convinced myself, I don't want others thinking this.

I've noticed that I get more urges to pull my eyelashes out when I wear mascara, so I might have found a temporary solution to losing my eyelashes. So, that is lovely :)

My depression is beginning to act up. I don't smile as much, and things I used to love just don't interest me any more. At really awful points, I have briefly considered suicide. I hope I do not do this. I'd rather die some peaceful or heroic death, not be mocked about what a wuss and freak I was after I killed myself.

I'll write another segment the next time I hit a milestone (maybe a good one, maybe a bad one), or if I just feel like it. Goodbye, for now. 


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