Never Over

Chapter Three: Philosophy

The entire night I kelp tossing and turning barely sleeping at all. Eventually I got tired of trying and decided to get up and get ready one time. I sat in my living room looking through my window watching the sun rise then two hours after that Trevor pulls up. Before he could even put the car in park I'm already out the door turning to lock it.

"You got ready fast...how long were you waiting?" he asks after I got into the car.

"It doesn't matter I didn't really sleep last night anyway." I said while putting on my seatbelt. He pulls off heading towards my parents' house add lest I thought that was our destination.

"Trevor...who house is this?" I ask looking at him.

"You don't recognize your home you grew up in?" he asks, and I turn to look back at it again. Looking closely I start to see how my old home use to look. That beautiful garden that used to be along the sidewalk leading straight up to the front door is now bunches of old dry brown grass. The grass throughout the lawn is all grown up almost as high as the wall. The paint is all run down chipping from the walls. It pretty much looks like an abandon house rather than a place I used to call home. Just sitting here staring at it saddens me and making me sick to my stomach.

"I can't do this." I said softly not taking my eyes off of it.

"Jordan, you can do this, I know you...."

"Please don't make me." I said looking to him cutting him off.

"You can do this, I know you can." he said so optimistic but so oblivious to the deep depression coming over me right now.

"Trevor I can't do this!" I shouted a bit. I didn't mean to but he just wasn't taking no for an answer the simple way. I look down in my lap on the verge of tears trying my hardest to hold them back. He signs starting the car pulling off without another word. It's obvious he's disappointed in me and I'll admit I'm disappointed in myself as well. I did everything I could to be strong and build up enough courage to finally face my parents', but after seeing that house all of that faded away like it was never there. He pulls up infront of my therapy session building putting the car in park.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm not as strong as you think I am" I said softly.

"I guess not." Even though I said a doubtful thing about myself I was not expecting him to actually agree. It threw me off as I turn looking at him in shock. He would always have something encouraging and positive to say.

"You weren't expecting that right?" he asks looking at me and I nod.

"Do you know that if a positive always hang around a negative they get pull down and become a negative too?" There he goes again always giving his philosophy on life but he has a point....as always. Looking from his point of view I guess it really is a drag being around someone like me all the time.

"Can you please fight this negative feeling and become the positive person you use to be?" He asks almost sounding like he's pleading. I nod while thinking it over. I don't like the person I have become. I hate being afraid of putting myself out there again. Scared of what the media and people will say about me trying to start my career over again.

"I have to try right?" I ask myself softly but he thinks I'm talking to him because he answer saying it's worth it. I got out his car heading into the building. I'm 20 minutes early so I head into the kitchen area making myself a cup of coffee. When I walk out heading to the waiting room area a woman walks out from Ms Little's office wearing all black and a cap pull as far as possibly over her forehead hiding some of her face. She raised her head a bit as she walk pass allowing me to catch a glance, and for some reason she looks familiar to me. Like I know her from somewhere but I'm not sure where. I waited for a few minutes before knocking on Ms Little's office door.