Don't Let Me Be Gone (Twenty One Pilots)

Noctem

The night came way too quickly for Tyler to process. After he spent some time with Jenna and his family, he and Josh made their way back to Mark's house. It was Mark's new house and his family had finally finished moving everything from his old house, near the college, to here.  Mark even put a little sign once you enter the house that says "Twenty One Pilots Household."

Despite all that though, Tyler sat sitting on his bed staring at everything in his new room here. It was nearing 1 o'clock in the morning and Tyler was just staring...

At the corners of his room that seem to be the darkest part.

At his window, where the night sky was covered by dark foggy clouds.

At his mirror and he saw himself looking back at him.

"Why don't I like myself?" He whispered faintly.

He began thinking now. How does anyone like me? How does Jenna, and Josh, and Mark, and my family and my fans, how do they like me? Why do they? I don't even know.

they just feel bad for you.

Could that be it? Tyler looked at himself in the mirror once more.

"In the mirror, I see fear." He whispered.

maybe it's time to say goodbye.

not to me.

but to everyone else.

Tyler stood still. Where had he heard that before? He opened up his phone and searched the words 'time to say goodbye' and a song popped up.

He plugged his headphones in and started to listen. A beautiful orchestra started it off. A woman began singing in a language unknown to him. He liked it, even if he couldn't understand it. Then the chorus started and it chimed the only words of english he understood with the song, 'time to say goodbye.' He felt those lyrics deep in his chest. He didn't know what the woman was saying but when she sang the only words he knew, it felt so powerful. At the second verse, a man joined in and it still felt as powerful when he sang it. Both their voices combined with the orchestra and it constructed a melodic beauty, unlike anything he has heard before. Now, he had never been a big fan of opera or classical music, but man, did he enjoy this. As the song ended, Tyler took out his notebook.

Tyler rolled up his sleeves and started a new page untitled  'Time to say goodbye' and began writing.

You split
And take in every time you see
A fake and counterfeit  

He thought over a little bit... then he remembered.

In the mirror you appear
To see fear
And whisper this is it
In the mirror you appear
To see nothing else
But yourself as a face
A hollowed out space  

Think... think... think. He looked over to his left arm and sighed.

Leave me with the razor
And just in case
I fall face down on the ground
And somehow I found
Enough strength to lift my face
And make a sound
And muffled though it may be
And crazy it seems
I never felt closer to you
Just crying as you torture me  

Torture me... torture me, he thought.

you got it.

your own two hands will start bleeding and then they will lower you into a hole in the ground.

do you remember those lyrics?

they're about as dead as these ones.

Tyler thought over those lyrics as he added more.  

It's time to say goodbye
To the earth and now my worthless life
Cause' everything I've ever made
Is dead now
Inside the grave

Breath in... breath out. 

I just don't wanna be
So many things
And now that I see
I just wanna sing
I just wanna breathe
I just wanna fly
I just wanna close my eyes
And take in the sun
And take in the air
I just wanna run
And murder my care
I wanna believe that I will be
Free as air  

Tyler stood up now and was pacing as he wrote.

Standing on a tower
Trying my hardest to make it
To you but I built this tower
Out of mortal bricks
They're breaking
I truly will surrender
My pretender
My disguise
And I'll truly start to
Render to your splendor
So it's time to say goodbye

It's time to say goodbye
To the earth and now my worthless life
Cause' everything I've ever made
Is dead now
Inside the grave.

Tyler stopped pacing and walked to Josh's new room, which was just down the hall from Tyler's. 

He knocked on his door. 

"Josh?" He asked.

Josh opened the door.

"Tyler? What's wrong?" He asked.

Tyler came in and sat on his bed and Josh followed.

Tyler started, "I-I wrote something..."

Tyler handed Josh the notebook. 

Josh began reading the lyrics.

 As he read, Josh immediately understood that these were more that just song lyrics.   

"Tyler, wow... I'm sorry you've been feeling this way again." Josh said putting the notebook down.

"I'm fine, really, but I just can't help but wonder if I should listen to the dark parts of my thoughts and you know, say goodbye... I thought I was getting better, I really did, but then I began sleepwalking and I've been having more darker thoughts, Josh. I haven't felt this way since high school. I don't know what's bringing them back... I'm scared."

They sat in silence for a couple minutes.

"Maybe... it's these songs. You're writing about the negativity that life has and it's bringing back those memories. I'm not saying to stop writing about it, that would kill us both, but there needs to be a sort of, a kind of, hopeful undertone to the message, which I know you're writing about, but maybe you need to listen to your own songs and I mean really listen to them. I know I do and Tyler, they are so good and so helpful. I can't wait until someone hears this one." Josh said.

Tyler gave a small smile, "Thanks Josh. But I didn't completely make this song. I took one line of lyric from-"

"Yeah, from that one opera song, I know. It's still good though."

"I think I have an idea for the tracking for this song too. If we work on it now, we might have it done by the show and we can play it there."

Josh smiled, "Let's do it! I'll get Mark."

Twenty One Pilots started working on the song. Josh was adding in some drum beats so Tyler sat on the couch watching him and thinking. Why was writing such a cathartic thing for him? He always feels so much better after writing for a while. 

He was excited for this show, and this song, nothing could possibly go wrong, right? As Tyler thought that, he began thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong but tried to brush it off. This show will be good. It has to be.