Only Your Touch

Chapter Four

"Hello?" I knocked on the door in front of me. Vic swung the door open to his office.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come."

"Why not?" My phone had died through the night so when I woke up and put my phone on a charger. I saw Vic had sent me a text with his office building and time. This was a therapy session.

"I mean, this is like a hospital. With people who feel they have a sickness in their mind." He was leaning against the doorway with his hands in his pocket. I shifted awkwardly, looking at the space around me.

"Do I have a sickness?" He continued to stare into my eyes while he thought.

"No. You have a habit. I have people that come in here with a sickness like an undesirable urge to kill people. Then there's the habits; cleaning, sex, self-harm." He got this distant look. "They become habits because people are pushed. They are pushed into hating or loving themselves too much. Though loving yourself is something I think you don't have to tone down." I tried to move into the room but his gaze stopped me. I felt dirty talking about this out in the open.

"Do you love yourself?" I asked. He straightened his posture, moving so I could make my way inside.

"I'm content."

"Content?" He motioned me to come inside. He closed the door behind me.

"Everyone here has a bad past, Kellin. The reason I came into this practice is because I could not deal with the bad in my life. I had my own way of lashing out. And when I came to terms, I decided I wanted to help others." I narrowed my eyes, looking over him. He was in his casual appearance. A red plaid button up that was open to reveal another black tank top. How was this teenage looking man so deep in the way he speaks?

"What did you do, Vic?" I didn't mean for it to sound like I was disgusted. But I needed to know.

"You didn't come here to talk about me. We need to find out more about you."

"I'm not talking till you answer my question." I was being stubborn. Fuck him telling me something like this then trying to keep it to himself. It made me wonder what he's truly like. My hands started to rub together and become irritated against my gloves.

"Fine! Just stop." His hand was hovering above mine. That's when I noticed something on his arms. Multiple somethings. I reached forward to touch him. He jumped at my touch. I was surprised too.

"So this was your....habit?" The white scars were raised and bumpy. Some of them even came off with a jagged look. They went up to his elbow. Some were lighter than the rest and some were deeper than the rest. The scars were most likely in the hundreds.

"This was my escape. The moment when my life felt clean." I glanced at his right arm. It was in the same condition. This was the reason for the sleeves. "If my coworkers were to find out, I would no longer be able to help people. They would be stuck with people who don't understand or think they're overreacting. I understand that everyone has their limit. And some people can take more than others."

"And what was your limit?" He looked down at the scars. He was lost in his own thoughts.

"Being beaten. By my mom's boyfriend and kids at school. The day I realized I liked men and had to break some girl's heart. When I tried to talk to my father and the only response was a pre-written card and a couple bucks." I was resting my gloved hands over the deepest scar. "My first time seeing a therapist and she told me to get over it. That my mind was twisted and fucked up and my body would pay for it. When my mom told me to kill myself."

"Vic-"

"You can't tell anyone this, Kellin." His gaze was back on mine. "I could lose my job. I could lose my family."