Never to be Uttered

SPOKEN: ADMIT REJECTION

I woke up in a bedroom and looked around then worry hit me. I slowly sat up and was happy to see me in my own clothes and then looked around to see Jake beside me and I screamed. Jake jerked awake and fell out the bed, I heard him groan and I immediately felt guilty.

"Twice Orchid." He said and my cheeks heated up. Jake sat up with his hand on his forehead and one eye was opened and glaring at me.

"Sorry. What happened?" I asked and he blew one of his golden curls out of his sight.

"First, coffee." He said and slowly made his way out of the room and I followed.

His apartment was nicely decorated even though it wasn't themed; he poured us up a glass of warm coffee and we made our way to the couch to talk. I sipped my coffee for a bit as I arranged my thoughts before asking him any questions.

"What happened?" I finally asked him.

"You drove to my office a few minutes before I was going to leave and you were tipsy so I offered you a ride and you declined but then you started stumbling and so I drove you to my place and put you in my bed. Now it's my turn, what happened?" He replied.

I told Jake about the secret from Jane thing and what I yelled at my parents but I ended up feeling foolish because when I told him what I yelled he was trying to compress a big grin from surfacing on his face but it didn't work. So I shoved his shoulder and he rolled his eyes but we laughed a little.

"Thanks for taking care of me." I said and he shrugged.

"You're pretty much my best friend, it's no problem." He said with a warming smile.

"You're the best, I'm going to miss you." I said and I felt my eyes well up, I bit back my tears.

"Keep in contact, I'll be close." He said and I smiled, he wiped the tears that began to fall and I smiled.

We sipped our coffees in silence, thinking about what laid in store. I wasn't excited to go home and see my parents after the scene but I was going to have to suck it up and do so. My phone rung and I answered.

"This is Orchid." I said into the phone.

"This is your father. We packed up your things and they should be shipped off to school, Jane will be keeping in touch and we sent a ride to take you to the airport at six in front of that one place you like." Dad explained and my jaw dropped, my eyes welled up, my blood boiled. I set my mug down and walked to the window.

"So that's it? I blew up and you don't want to talk about anything? You're getting rid of me and don't even want to say goodbye? THERE WAS NEVER ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME! THE ONLY REASON I'M LIKE THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU NOT CARING!" I yelled into the phone and began sobbing, I screamed and threw my phone against the wall before falling to the floor and crying into my knees. 

I knew Jake was bewildered, I heard him rush to my phone and check on it, he said something to my dad before hanging up and rushing over to comfort me. His arms were wrapped around my body and that's when I noticed I was rocking in the sitting up fetal position, I was slightly shaking and gaining a painful headache but all I could do was keep shaking and crying and rocking. Jake started shushing me and trying to figure out a position to calm me and stop me from rocking back and forth.

"It'll be alright." He whispered as he pulled me against his chest with his legs stretched straight out and his arms wrapped around my knees. I rested my head between his shoulder and chin and tried to soothe myself.

Moments after my episode Jake and I were quiet, Jake finally opened his mouth and said, "I have to tell you something." I turned myself in the same position but my head now faced his though it rested on his shoulder.

"What's up?" I asked softly.

"I have liked you for the longest time and I'm telling you now that we're face to face because you're going to be gone and I don't expect us to be long distance because I want my girlfriend to be here with me and that's only if you actually like me back and I know I'm throwing all of this on you but I just can't help it. I mean you're beautiful and I know so much about you and you're sweet and no you aren't broken--" Jake rambled on and on until I smashed my lips onto his and caused him to fall on his back with me on top of him. His hands found their place on the sides of my waist and mine were beside his head to keep my balance.

I didn't pull away until I was light headed and our faces were so close as our breaths mixed with each others, his eyes staring into mine. The intimacy was so strong and something I wasn't used to and that's what broke me. I pulled myself off of him and looked down at my hands that I placed in my lap. I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't. I don't know why I kissed him, maybe I liked him or maybe I didn't know what to do to shut him up because I couldn't handle what he was saying. I was overwhelmed and I didn't deserve Jake. Plus I was leaving and I couldn't do any long distance relationship, I'm weird not broken but needing to be fixed and in order for that I need whoever I'm with to be there, to be able to come rescue me within minutes. I sighed as I felt Jake come closer and before his hand could caressed my cheek I yelled, "Stop" and he froze his hand in mid air. I got up and ran my fingers through my hair.

"You can't just tell me this when I'm going to leave. I DON'T CARE IF YOU WERE SCARED YOU HAD ALL THIS TIME AND NEVER TOLD ME! You're right, I can't be with you long distance and I won't be. I MAY HAVE LIKED YOU BUT THIS IS ME WE'RE TALKING ABOUT I'M SO CONFUSING THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT MYSELF IS THINKING! How could you do this to me, Jake? I can't believe you'd do this to me." I said shaking my head furiously until I got my shoes on, gathered up my things and rushed out of his house. He was unbelievable. As I walked to the diner I touched my lips and felt myself grow a small smile. His lips against mine was warming but I couldn't handle him, at least not like this?