Skater Boy

Swings

It was Friday night and as usually I was at home. I didn't feel like doing anything as I stared at my ceiling. I was just lounging around on my bed.

All I ever wanted to do was sleep. I wish it was night all the time and I would never have to get up. Never have to go through the day, pretending to be okay.

I just felt so empty, so void of emotion. I thought as time went on I would get better but every day just seemed to blur into the next. Nothing I did ever mattered.

Andrew, Andrew mattered. I missed him so much. I was glad I was alone in my room because I have been torturing myself with memories of him.

Every thought, every memory, every image of him smiling was like stabbing myself in the heart with a knife and twisting it into my flesh.

My emptiness was filled with pain.

"You know your beautiful, right?" Andrew would say. He would whisper it so softly into my ear as he played with my long hair. I would always shake my head, no. I wasn't beautiful but his words never failed to warm my heart.

I was sobbing as the memory took over my mind.

"You want to know another thing that I love about you?" Andrew said as he trailed his hand along my cheek bone. "You don't notice your beauty. Which makes you all the more beautiful. If that makes any sense?" He chuckled as he kissed me lightly on the cheek.

I felt my skin tingle from the brush of his lips and the feel of his breath blowing across my face.

I raised my eyes to meet his. He just made me feel so whole. He made me feel so loved. He made me feel alive.

Everything he said made me feel loved.

"I also love how your different from everyone else." He kissed me again on the cheek but closer to my lips.

"I love how you can rant about the silliest things that no one else would even bother to think about." He kissed my chin.

"I love how your favorite color is yellow and you love sunflowers but yet you always wear black." He kissed my nose.

"But most importantly I love you." He pulled me closer and kissed me on the lips passionately. It was the kind of kiss that made you dizzy and your skin tingle. The kind of kiss that made you feel alive.

Andrew made me feel alive but he was dead.

I rolled over onto my stomach crying hard. My hands fisted up my sheets as pain ripped through my torsos from the memory. I couldn't take it. I slammed my fist down on my bed repeatedly.

I couldn't take my thoughts. All I have been feeling lately was internal conflict with myself.

I felt so not myself as I jumped up from my bed and stormed through my room blindly.

"Your so beautiful." The sound of Andrews voice in my ears sounded so real as it echoed around me.

" I love you, I love you so much."

"Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop." I repeated over and over again.

I balled my fist up and slammed them against the side of my head lightly trying to shake the voices out.

"Alice..." Andrews voice drawled out.

"Stop!" I sobbed and fell to the floor, rolling up into a ball.

"Alice!" It was more urgent this time as feet walking towards me fast sounded around me. Next thing I know, arms, muscular arms rapped around me rocking me softly.