The Offering

Chapter 19

I felt instantly disorientated as the room around me began to spin in slow motion, Kim's words reverberated over and over in my mind. I could see Kim's mouth moving before me but her words were inaudible. She was sobbing, tears streaming endlessly from her guilt ridden, blackened eyes.

I was deafened by a pulse thudding at my temples as I tried to comprehend what Kim had confessed. Was she really capable of killing her own daughter? I'd already known she was a lousy mother, but a killer too?

I was jolted suddenly back into real time as Kim let out a high pitched, furious shrill. She kicked angrily at a side table with her heeled boots before bursting into further tears. I stood from my knelt position, suddenly terrified of the woman before me. I dropped the wet cloth in my hands I began to back away.

I scanned the room for my nearest exit,
hoping I could avoid having to pass Kim on my way out. I studied her face, contorted into something that looked barely human. I couldn't understand how I'd never acknowledged Kim's insanity until now.

"You think I killed her," she suddenly gave, her eyes narrowed accusingly, "you think I'm that evil, that I could kill my own baby?"

I shook my head, afraid to admit otherwise, the truth was I had no idea of what Kim was capable of. My puzzled expression was clear for Kim to see, she shook her own head and took another swig of vodka straight from the bottle. I was backed up against the fireplace, I had nowhere else to go.

"I told her to leave, to never come back. So she did...she left because I told her to and somebody killed her," Kim explained, her voice trembling, "Somebody murdered my baby. I should have been there to protect her, She deserved better than me as her mother."

I couldn't disagree with anything Kim had said but I felt a sudden sense of relief as I realised what she had meant. That she felt responsible for her daughters death, not that she had killed her with her own hands.

Perhaps she was responsible. Clara had been forced to grow up far too fast in my opinion. As a little girl she'd endured her parents endless fighting, then she'd had to mourn her fathers death and care for her selfish, alcoholic mother. It was no wonder she had always been so desperate to grow up, to leave and to start a better life for herself. Her childhood innocence was non-existent, Kim was largely responsible for that.

Or perhaps I was judging Kim unfairly? I had no idea what her own story was and she seemed genuinely distraught at Clara's death. Despite my better judgement I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy towards her.

"Why did you ask her to leave?" I questioned, my rigid posture relaxing slightly as I accepted I was not trapped alone in a room with a killer.

I could see Kim was contemplating her answer, she was wary of me, unsure whether to confide more. I was unsure what made her so afraid to do so. I presumed she was not a trusting person, that she let very few people inside her metaphorical walls. I wondered who had hurt her so badly she'd had to build them in the first place.

"She was seeing him again, I told her to stay away from that boy and she was sneaking around to be with him...I'm sure you knew," was her response, I felt  still that she was holding something back from me.

"She was pregnant," I gave, I wasn't sure what to expect until I saw it, there was no surprise in Kim's reaction, she already knew.

"No surprise she told you," she bitterly retorted, "I found out after...the autopsy...the police told me," she struggled to find the words, clearly uncomfortable by the subject of her daughters lifeless body.

I chewed the inside of my lip, I wanted to ask Kim about Jake's father but I had no idea how to approach it. I'd seen her mood was volatile and I was afraid to enrage her. Still unable to trust her reaction.

"I loved him," Kim sobbed, "I love him," she corrected.

"Who?" I asked, though I knew who she meant before she even said it, the clues were there to see.

"Carl," she answered, "I've been in love with that man since I was 18 years old, do you know how hard it is to love somebody who can't love you the way you want him to?"

I shook my head, so many questions running through my mind. I questioned further,

"Are you having an affair?"

Kim smiled sarcastically and took another sip, "We were together long before he married that bitch. And before that bitch there was an even bigger bitch. Carl's mother, she'd never allow him marry a girl like me. It's the only way we could be together."

"So you've been seeing each other all this time?"a dark thought entered my mind and my chest tightened suffocatingly, "w...what about Clara's father?"

"He was her father," Kim insisted, as though reading my mind,"I broke it off with Carl for a few years, tried to make it work with Clara's father, to be a good wife. But Carl always knew how to get me back. Just clicked his fingers and off I ran."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Kim and Jake's father, together? Had Clara known? Had Jake? I couldn't help but judge Kim. She was still an attractive woman but she was undoubtedly broken.

Carl was smart, professional, groomed. His wife was his mirror image, they were...suited. I couldn't quite imagine what Carl saw in Kim, and I felt instantly guilty for the thought. I was thankful Kim couldn't actually read my mind.

"Did Clara know?" I asked, trying to avert my own thoughts.

"No she didn't, we never meet here," Kim replied, she seemed sure of that, "When I found out she was seeing his son I told her to stop. Carl told him the same. We knew it would only cause trouble, we even broke it off again between us for awhile."

"But she was pregnant," I countered, "how could she just break it off?"

"I didn't know, I wouldn't have told her to leave if I had," Kim insisted, her feeling of guilt clear, "It wouldn't have made a difference to him. He would still have hurt her. Men don't marry girls like Clara, they just keep us close by on strings."

I could see that Kim had far more intelligence than I'd ever credited her with. Yet she'd allowed herself to be Carl Lane's puppet on and off for almost 30 years. I couldn't understand why anybody would allow someone to use them in that way. Was that what had broken Kim? Being in love with a man who'd never truly love her in return but would never her let her go either?

"He does love me," she added, "He really does. And he's going to leave her, soon. He's all I have left now."

"Do you know who killed Clara Mrs Jones?" I questioned, unwilling to indulge her delusion of him leaving his wife. It was the oldest cliche in the book after all.

Kim drank the final sip of her vodka and rubbed her head furiously. She was thinking again, whether or not to divulge further. She made her decision and nodded before she replied,

"He threatened me the day she was killed, told me if I didn't stay away from his family then he'd ruin my life for good. I didn't listen...so he did."

"Who?" I had to ask though I was afraid of her answer.

"Carl's son, he found out about the affair," Kim replied, confirming my worst fear, "Jake killed Clara."

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