"My name is James Canty and today i am no longer an alcholic. I have been sober for two years and now I'm finished wih it."
The crowd applauds. I look around for the familiar faces of my family and see none. I wasn't even surprised. The way i have been acting... I wouldn't want to come either. I sit down as the others share their names and their problems." My name is Jamie and i am a heroin addic..."
These people need help more than me. Why am I even here? All because of that stupid night? It was one mistake that ruined my life.
I guess your pretty confused so let me begin from the start....
It all began when i accepted a job delivery a package. It turns out the package was drugs and the guy i was delivering it to was a drug lord. He recruited me. From that day on i was selling drugs an the daily and got my family the stuff they needed. My mom never took the money because she knew it was drug money and didn't want me doing that. I am visiting her today its her birthday.
"Hey ma!" I said and nice and sweet.
"Hey" she said coldly not even looking at me.
She just can't get over the fact that I'm a doughboy. I making more money than she ever made in her lifetime and she doesn't even accept the money i give her for food and her bills.
So i just ask my sister pay the bills for the house since ma won't do it. She looks even sicker that the last time i saw her. She's getting old and pretty soon she's gonna die. She gives me a hard time but i can't picture my life without my ma.
"Happy Birthday"
"What's so happy bout it"
"Well for one you live longer"
" What the fuck i gotta live for? My sons a drug dealer, my husband died, and my kids barely even visit me."
"Why are you so angry ma? I'm just trying to be here for you and your just ruining it. I visit you every month and that still ain't good enough for ya?"
"No it ain't when you decide to quit being a----a dope-boy thats good enough for me."
My pager beeps. Honestly we have had this conversation over and over again and she just doesn't get it. Maybe and does and just hopes that one day I'll listen to her but that ain't nowhere close. The look in her eyes tell me she knows what that beep was for.
"Bye mom. I gotta go."
"Go and pass out your drugs to those people. You ain't brightening my day. You know pretty soon I'm going to die and when i do. I want to die knowing my son is not selling drugs no more. Is that too much to ask for?"
"I love you mom but i can't stop now."
"Just go.'
I kissed her on the cheek and left. Why is it so hard to understand that i need the money to take care of my family? She probably would say that being a lawyer can do the same, but I'm already in this shit and there's no way out.
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What do you think so far?
