Things To Remember ♡ Shawn Mendes

[03]

3. Sometimes Being a Bitch is Necessary

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Things don't always go as planned for him, especially not since her death has put a burden on everything he does. he's constantly thinking about how her death had to have been his fault, because he didn't notice how depressed she was, he regretted not telling her he loved her enough. he didn't understand that not even she knew why she felt the way she did, she wouldn't have been able to explain it and she didn't know why she wanted to die rather than be on earth, she just didn't understand herself enough to help other people understand her. she felt like a lost cause, no one would be able to help her. maybe they couldn't have helped her, but now no one will ever know because she didn't stay.

he knew he had to find another job since he got fired from his last one a few weeks after her death, he could keep going to work, it was too hard to get out of bed. he didn't like bagging items at his local grocery store, even though he was very social and loved being around people, the job didn't appeal to him. he wanted to do something he enjoyed, something in the music industry like teaching little kids how to play the guitar or just working at a music shop.

currently, he was out searching for jobs, hoping to be able to get interviews today and start working sometime this week, but then again that seems so outrageous of a goal to set for himself. he really wanted to get his life together though, he knew this is what she would have wanted if she was still here, so that was ultimate goal.

"hello, i saw your sign out front about needing some new workers and everything, i was just wondering if i could maybe get an interview or form because i would really like to work here," he begged the owner of a small music shop in the heart of his hometown, pickering.

"sure thing, do you want to come in the sound room with me and we could do an interview real quick right now? if you don't mind, that is," the manager confirmed before heading behind the counter and entering a door toward the back room where the sound booths were. he followed behind the man, hopeful about this job.

"firstly, what is your name? i think that is a really great question to start out with," the guy started before adding, "i'm john ganders, by the way."

soft chuckles filled the small room as he nodded, glad that john was a nice man who seemed fairly laid back, "my name's shawn, shawn mendes."

the man shook his head vigorously, "sorry sir, i can't hire you here."

he looked at him in disbelief, astonished that the manager would turn him down just by saying his name. he couldn't believe what had just happened, he was at a loss for words before blurted, "what? why?"

the man smiled guiltily and motioned for him to exit the sound booth which he did and he walked out in front of the counter, staring at the guy pointedly and waiting for him to answer his questions.

"sorry kiddo, i can't have no depressed persons working for me. i've had them before, they always skipped work and everything or always called out sick. when you lose someone you love, you lose yourself and i can't have you working under those conditions," the boss explained which made him even more furious than he already was since he was trying to get his life back together.

"can't you see that i'm trying to get my life back together? i've come here looking for a job because she would want me to, just because i lost someone i love doesn't mean i can't work just as much as someone who hasn't."

he kept shaking his head which made him angry. he didn't understand how this man could base his actions off of other people when this person doesn't even know him, he hated people like that, "c'mon this is so unfair! i deserve this job as much as any other person! you shouldn't be basing my actions off other people's when you don't know me or how my work ethic is," he fumed.

"okay, i think it's time for you to go. maybe find another place that will hire lost causes like you, but sorry i don't do that. have a nice day now," the man said in a fake polite tone.

he stared him dead in the eye, pinching his eyes to the point where they were simply just angry slits rather than his eyes actually showing, "people like you make me sick, screw you. you're going to hell," he snarled.

the whole walk home was agonizing for him, his feet ached and he longed for his marshmallow like bed waiting for him at home. he couldn't understand how someone could be so cruel like that, he has always grown up learning great morals, but that person didn't have any as far as he could see.

once he arrived home, he slammed his door shut when he walked home and threw his phone on the couch which absently hit his little sister on the stomach, but she was sleeping and didn't even stir a bit.

he felt bad for hitting his own blood with a hard object, he wouldn't have ever done that if he knew she had fallen asleep on the couch while watching cartoons. he grabbed a blanket from the closet and turned the television off using the remote before covering her up and kissing her forehead. he was going to carry her upstairs, but he was too strained and he didn't want to wake her up anyway, so he quietly stomped up the stairs and muttered things under his breath. he kept having flashbacks of how he treated the manager back at the store and he felt bad before saying something.

"just remember, sometimes being a bitch is necessary," he reminded himself, thinking back to his list tacked up on his wall. he has all the time in the world to grief, but not if he keeps letting people take advantage of him and step all over him like a doormat.