Dan and Phil Preferences and Imagines!

The Lamp Fic

As some of you probably saw, I mentioned something about "The Lamp Fic" in one of the Dan preferences. If you didn't see it, it was just a briefly mentioned crack fic between the reader and Dan. Well... My friend is making me write it. I would like to apologize in advance for any nightmares, night terrors, or trauma this might cause. 

Don't forget the eye bleach and holy bible on the way out.

Oh, and Lizzy, if you see this; fuck you. Literally. Get a fucking tree branch or a tire or something for fuck's sake and shove it up your damn ass.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) groaned as she tried to carry a lamp into her friend Dan's apartment. Dan had asked her to pick up a lamp he had ordered earlier. Dan claimed he had a video he had to edit, but Y/N, also being a youtuber, understood that a video usually didn't take too long to edit and it could be done at pretty much anytime. (Y/N) had come to the conclusion Dan was just being lazy. Like usual.

Figuring out the door was unlocked, (Y/N) walked right in and set the lamp down by the front door. She didn't notice Dan, which wasn't surprising. 

"Dan?" (Y/N) called out, receiving no response. She smirked, realizing Dan was probably taking a nap in his room. And (Y/N) wanted to take perfect opportunity of this. 

She crept down the hallway, slowly to Dan's room. She opened the door quietly, and what (Y/N) saw was not what she was expecting at all.

Dan was sitting in his computer chair with his hands in his pants. He was obviously jerking off to something on his computer. (Y/N) walked very slowly in, trying to see exactly what Dan was doing; even though (Y/N) had a pretty good idea what was going on- Dan was watching porn. But when (Y/N) got close enough to see the computer she realized it wasn't something dirty.

Well, it was dirty, but not in that way.

It was a piece of poop.

Dan Howell, the successful youtuber, was getting off to a piece of poop.

(Y/N) loudly gasped, immediately regretting it. Dan turned around with something brown covering his mouth. (Y/N) prayed it was just chocolate.

Dan stood up and slyly walked over to (Y/N), swaying his hips side to side like a drunk hooker. He pushed past her and went to the living room. (Y/N), more curious than scared, followed him just in time to see him grab the lamp out of the box. He licked his lips and gave (Y/N) a suggestive smirk. Dan calmy walked over to the slightly younger girl, lamp still in hand.

"Take off your pants." Dan commanded.

"Wh.. Wh-what." (Y/N) stuttered.

"You heard me."

(Y/N) hesitantly pulled down her pants, legs quivering.

"Underwear too." Dan growled, his usual perky British accent fading into something much, much darker.

(Y/N) took off her underwear, leaving her bottom portion completely naked to Dan.

Dan suddenly rushed to her, shoving her on the ground. He flipped her over so her stomach was flat on the floor. (Y/N) was almost being crushed by Dan's weight.

"Hold still." Dan mumbled.

"What are you-" but (Y/N) was cut off by something entering her ass. She screamed out in pain as Dan let out a pleasurefull groan. (Y/N) glanced over her shoulder to see what on earth was pounding into her butt. Her eyes widened when she saw it was the lamp.

"Dan what on earth are you doing?" she whined, feeling something drip down her thigh (which she assumed was blood).

"I'll stop.." he said with a mischievous voice. This was not the Dan (Y/N) knew. This was something much scarier. Much more... Psychotic.

He pulled the lamp out of her butt and set it to the side, then leaned down to her ear to whisper something.

"My my.. You're a little bloody, aren't you? Let me fix that for you.."

He spun himself around on (Y/N)'s back, so he was facing her feet. He bent down and sucked all of the blood out of her ass. Once he was done, He quickly flipped (Y/N) around again and forced her into a kiss, letting all the blood flow into her mouth. When Dan pulled away, (Y/N) gagged and sputtered about as Dan got off her chest. She had gathered herself together and had tried to run out the door, but Dan hit her with the lamp in the back of the head. She felt absolutely nothing as she fell to the now slightly blood stained carpet.

Dan did the same thing to Phil when he got home.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

...do I atleast get an award for writing the first x reader crack fic?