The Potter Generation

22

My birthday fell on a Friday in mid November and as usual a simple rectangular box with neat brown paper fell onto the table before me. My gang clapped like they had just witnessed some amazing spectacle and encouraged me to open it like I was some little spoiled princeling. But instead of basking in the glory of fake friendship I stood with a piece of toast in one hand and the present in the other and simply walked away. Doing it felt so easy but I knew in about an hour it was going to bite me in the ass. 

The corridors were nearly empty since everyone else was at breakfast and the quiet air felt good and refreshing. I was being suffocated from the time I woke up to when I went to sleep so being in an empty hallway was new. 

I picked a random alcove that was just far enough that I wouldn't be easily noticed and sat down , the box in my lap. My parents always sent me a package for my birthday but this one felt almost different. Everything used to be a lot duller before but now it was like my life was going back to color. Birthday presents were more exciting.

I easily untied the knot at the top and slid off the paper leaving just a box. As soon as I opened it I was greeted with the sweet smells of home. All of my favorite foods were inside, all warm from a spell that my mom must have cast on the box. I plucked a card from the bottom and ripped it open.

The letter was short and full of feelings, just like my mom and it made me smile a real genuine smile. I missed my parents which was pretty ridiculous for a seventh year but I couldn't help it. They always knew how to help me or exactly what to say and I needed some of that right now. I considered writing back, confessing all of my problems but it felt petty. Who asked their parents for help?

At the bottom of the letter it said, "P.S. send Evie my love. Her parents miss her too!" There was a pang in my chest and I quickly folded the letter closed. Evie. Just the name made my head fill up with thoughts I was too afraid to confront. I had heard people say that one everything is a mess who you love is always clear but to me everything was a mess, her the most. I sighed and shook my head. I had no idea what to do. 

I didn't hear the footsteps until the figure was right in front of my alcove looking surprised for only a moment before raising an eyebrow coolly. He had wavy dark hair and a smooth look to him, like a snake waiting to strike despite the Gryffindor tie round his neck. 

"Ian Valerio." He commented, looking over the open box in my lap and the unusual amount of emotion on my face. 

"Wow, don't I feel like a celebrity." I replied sarcastically, not quite ready to put my mask back on. I had never seen this kid before in my life, why should I be fake for him?

"He's not an emotionless brick. I'm not even surprised." He said, shooting me a smile. He had a weird accent that I could place. It had to be a mix of something. 

"Am I losing my  skill or are you people getting smarter?" I said it with venom but the guy simply laughed and sat across from me.

"I guess I should be honored that you aren't playing masquerade with me so maybe I'll enlighten you a little bit." He shrugged, ducking his head and running his hands through his hair. When he looked back up at me he still had a faint smile on his face but everything else was different. His eyes were shadowed and haunted and his entire face was just pale and ghostly. It was like he had become a completely different person. Like taking off a mask.

"What are you covering up?" I asked, almost curious that I wasn't the only one acting my way through life. 

"It's confidential but I can say that I've got a self loathing rate a mile high." He shrugged, shaking his head almost angrily. "But most people frown upon that kind of thing so..." He didn't have to finish that sentence. 

"I've never seen you around before. Don't take this the wrong way, but have you always been here?" 

"For a while. I try to stay hidden, it's one of my many talents."

I didn't answer mainly because I didn't know what to say. People were always so prone to bury their feelings like they were burying the dead and it was suddenly nice to hear someone saying exactly what they thought. It was unhealthy and raw and real.

"We should get help." I said, thinking of my mom's worried glances and Wes' concerned eyes. 

"You should get help. I'm way past that." He didn't even look phased by the words. He just accepted them like they were written in stone.

"You can always get help." I wasn't so sure.

"I've been deceiving someone I really care about and I thought that same thing at first. I could fix myself before it got too serious, before my heart started to get involved. But alas here I am. Lying and cheating and loving. I'm too afraid to stay but too attached to go. There's no hope for me."

Students started herding into the corridor and we both startled like we were suddenly plunged back into our own world. Both of our features went smooth and casual and it was almost sad. So used to faking that it was like second nature. Maybe I was too far gone too. 

The guy nodded at me without a word and was swallowed by the crowd. I almost began to wonder if he was ever really there in the first place or if I had just imagined him. I waited for a crowd of people to pass before joining the sea, getting pushed along by laughter and whispers and shared smiles. Just another day in the life. 

I felt myself sinking lower every second and it was like I was on a roller coaster that was headed straight down. Everything had been so goo or at least stable. Things had been OK. But all of a sudden it was like my eyes had opened and I realized how horrible everything was. It was like coming alive and slowly dying all at once. I felt ridiculous and dumb and like I was overreacting but I knew I had to do something about it. There was an answer to all of this I just needed to find it.