Kanina umalis ako ng bahay. Magkikita kasi kami nung s.s. (special someone) ko sa isang lugar at kahit out of the way sa akin at super hassle, okay na rin sa akin kasi makikita ko naman ang g.g. (god’s gift) ko. Baka iniisip niyo karelasyon ko na siya ha, hindi. We haven’t really thought of making our relationship exclusive. Or more appropriately, I’m not ready for that kind of involvement with someone – or so I say.
So I was there na sa place and so was my s.s. and we were about to meet, ang problema ay di namin mahanap ang isa’t isa kasi medyo malaki yung place tapos medyo marami ding mga tao tapos halos magkakamukha pa. So hindi kami magkakitaan.
Nung nag-usap na kami kung saan kami exactly magkikita at nagkita na kami (at long last) parang di ako masaya. Kasama kasi niya yung taong minahal ko for two years or mahal ko rin. Basta… e ang masaklap dun, mahal din ako nung tao na yun, siya ang s.s.2 ko or sobrang someone.
Tapos pinapanood niya lang kami mag-usap ni g.g.
Pansin ko sa mga mata ni s.s.2 yung lungkot na nararamdaman niya.
Pati tuloy ako nalulungkot. Kasi we had something special – we really did. But we never really thought of breaking the rules to avoid breaking THE RULE. [vague? Read on…]
--- Flashback sequence---
mahal na niya ako dati pa, ang problema involved ako deeply with someone nun tapos siya rin. Pero we knew in our hearts that we wanted to be with each other [as in yung todo], but we never took the chance. Kasi masasaktan yung mga parties na nauna. Isa pang problema, ang layo ko sa kanya. Hindi yung tipong wala ng pag-asang layo. Basta, imposible na rin dahil sa schedule. Basta… ang hirap maging steady… kasi patong-patong yung mga barriers.
---End of flashback sequence---
Ayun, after a while, I had to go na kasi I had something important that I had to do. Tapos bago ako umalis, inabutan ako ni s.s.2 ng letter tsaka ng isang humble present. I said bye to their gang na and I kissed sa cheek si s.s.1. tapos hiniritan ako “si s.s.2 di mo ikikiss?” so sige, for conformity’s sake, kiniss ko na rin siya [ayaw ko kasi talaga kasi the memories… ‘it’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to me now…’]. Pagkatapos nun, naglakad na ako papunta sa kotse ko.
Nakita ko sa mga kamay ko yung letter na binigay sa akin ni s.s.2… naisip ko na basahin so binuksan ko. Ewan ko, siguro sa movies lang yung mga ganto pero I was kinda nervous while I was opening the letter. The funny thing was that I didn’t know why.
When I finally opened it… I held my breath and started to read. Every word stuck to me like glue sticks to paper and paper sticks to glue. And in front of the people who I walked passed by, tears rolled from my eyes because I realized it was a goodbye letter.
I sobbed as I repeated to myself all the thanks that I got from s.s.2, all the sorrys, all the I hopes…
But one line that I remember better that I do the rest was something like this “Alam kong mahal mo siya kaya papakawalan na kita. Mahal na mahal ka niya at alam ko na kahit kailan ay hindi ka niya sasaktan. Mamahalin ka niya higit pa sa kaya ko.”
Isa pang line na nabasa ko… I think this one goes for the both of us “I loved you from the first time I met you.” Ang jolougs siguro para sa iba, pero totoo. I’ve never said anything more true than that. Basta… dahil siguro sa smile, or sa hand shake or sa suot niya nun… ewan ko… basta… there was something nung umpisa pa lang. Basta… literal na sa una pa lang… you can ask the people I was with nung mga oras na yun and they’ll tell you.
I was quiet the rest of the day.
I didn’t know what to do but I knew I could have done something that could’ve would’ve should’ve prevented this from happening. The problem was that I didn’t do it.
Ngayon… friends kami, yun kasi ang gusto niya. Honestly ayaw ko na siya maging kaibigan. Kasi nasasakan lang ako. Kasi alam kong mahal niya ako at mahal ko rin siya but I didn’t do anything about it. Ang tanga tanga ko. Ang tanga tanga ko. Ang tanga tanga ko.
What am I trying to say?
Don’t be afraid to break the rules… basta don’t break THE RULE: follow your heart. Ang corny. Pero siryoso. Kasi in the end, you’ll lose something that you wanted to keep in the first place… Sa case ko, we lost each other. Ang sakit… kung alam niyo lang. Dito na rin yung “take chances”… tsaka yung “who cares what they think?” [naku… sobrang true nito… walang pakialaman talaga when it comes to love dapat.]
Let the people you love feel exactly how much you love them because what would you do if you were too late? Let go, diba? Shoot… Di lang ito masakit for the one who’s letting go, this hurts for the one who’s being let go especially when you guys really love each other. Sigh… Kaya do what you can while you can. Don’t wait for the time when you’re caught between everything else around you that you can’t make a decision anymore. It might not be too late for you. I know it is for me. Wag mo akong tularan.
Sa totoo lang, love is the greatest thing in this world. People say it hurts and even kills but it doesn’t. We do the hurting and the killing because you know what? It’s like love is water and we don’t do anything about it so it’s just stagnant and barabing-barabum! It’s turned to something we don’t like na… gets?
Panghihinayang…
Pagsisisi…
Yan ang nararamdaman ng isang taong tanga…
Please wag magpaka-tanga…
Send this to those who need it. I could’ve used one of this before, but no one was kind enough to send me one.
***satisfied!?
