It was never enough to keep me warm;
the sunlight shining through cracks
in the bank of billowing dreariness, slowly puffs of gray pulled from it like
food sitting idle on a
bleached white plate,
pushed around
but never eaten.
No one ever sees you till you're crying,
and there's the tragic truth,
glass depiction shallow as
the stale pool's wake could go by
untouched and unseen,
a testament to the havoc,
the madness,
the loneliness
that comes with forgiveness.
(Why are they always on my mind?
the pain of looking backwards, met by
the pain of looking to the side and
noticing the absence
of someone far too good for me,
of one who's far too loved by all for me
to ever really call them mine.)
Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever truly love me,
I'm a second thought, a backup plan,
dismal sunday's crutch and
throbbing hangover's company,
a convenience store glowing neon
but only in the dark,
and that's okay.
It was just a bad night, just a
crumpled tissue, thrown carelessly,
thoughtlessly, selfishly away,
salty runoff leaves trails of paint
pouring down the mountainside,
the flawed terrain of
eyelashes and cheekbones and chins,
plastered flesh leaves paths on skin,
paper thin slices, incisions
in the damn machine that just
keeps beating, sometimes I wish
it'd just quit beating,
but that's okay,
black, bruised blue veins,
underneath silken skin
the strychnine slips like
a snake through the blood stream,
mutilated organ,
disfigured, ashamed,
doused in buckets of self-loathing
as heavy as liquid lead, beats in
spasms of rage,
and spasms of unpronounced pain-
but really,
that's okay.
People are jerks anyways.
You'll love/leave me soon enough,
pastel flowers, blistered toes,
imprints of the stained-glass window,
colored crystal on turquoise skin,
white-washed child-like ghost,
wandering, wondering
if it's worth it to survive alone,
if it's worth it to survive at home
after everyone forgets your name, and
everyone forgets your face
and leaves you-
broken token mindlessly
dropped in the dust,
shattered photo frame,
empty meaningless memories of
good old days,
left to die
in this town.
(don't leave me
to die
in this town)
Scattered leaves, a head cold,
silent suffocation, waves of
dizziness, of sadness, of heaviness
in the chest, throbbing head,
throbbing heart,
throbbing thoughts,
tumor of the midnight exposé,
you're ruining me.
