Ghost of the Past

She Falls Asleep

It had been a month since Ghost walked out of my room. It had also been a month since I last saw Kaspar.

I'd seen Ghost, though. I caught glimpses of him when I was walking home from school or if I was just dossing around town. He'd be there one second and the next he'd be gone.

I was a mess.

I was a complete and utter wreck. I hadn't slept for days, my hair was ratty. I had dark circles around my eyes and my skin and had turned a ghastly pale colour. I drunk more, I smoked more, I grieved for my best friend more.

He's not your best friend anymore, he wants nothing to do with you. He's probably got some other lass who's he's fallen for. Someone who's not you.

My thoughts drove me insane. They weaved themselves into every corner of my mind, tainting it with dark and pain. Their hold on me squeezed until I'd cry from the pain, anxiety surging out of me, depression taking over me. I'd stay up on a night, my deranged thoughts forcing me to look through old photos of us, laughing and smiling, back when everything was fine.

You're not you, anymore. You are a puppet of your imagination.

* * *

It was 7 o'clock at night, my mum was working. I, on the other hand, was walking around town with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of cigarettes. I'd been wandering aimlessly for about an hour now, taking swigs of the JD everyone once in a while. The pack of cigarettes was almost empty.

I'm pretty sure I looked like a drug-addicted, homeless whore but I didn't care. I had no care in the world. Self destruction in 3... 2... 1...

Due to the town I live in being pretty small, I eventually arrived at the railway tracks and sat down on the bankings beside them. Both my Jack Daniels and cigarettes had run out. I was drunk, sad and angry. I smashed the Jack Daniels bottle, standing up and holding a piece of broken glass up to the light from a streetlamp.

You could end it all now, just like that. All this pain would be over, your suffering could be stopped. You wouldn't have to miss Ghost anymore. He'd probably be happier without you anyway.

I was at war with my conscious, the rational part of my brain slowly being overpowered by the irrational part. I held the glass to my throat, closing my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. I mentally prepared myself, willing my hand to move across my throat and slice the life out of me.

"Lex," a gruff voice spoke. Ghost? No it can't be.

"Lexi, stop." The voice spoke again. Leave me alone. Stop tormenting me. Stop.

"Lexi!" A hand now grabbed the hand I held at my throat.

"Ghost."