My Lost Love (boyxboy)

Chapter Eleven

Alright guys here is chapter eleven! I will be house sitting for a family friend who doesn't have internet. So chapter twelve will probably have to wait until early next week. It just depends because my mom's birthday is also next week. 

Now just yesterday I managed to finish writing part one to Chasing Liam. Each part in the story will have five-ish chapters (it could change) and there will be three parts in total. I'm going to begin working on part two and chapter six this weekend so hopefully by the time My Lost Love is finished being uploaded Chasing Liam will be ready to go. I hope, unfortunately, there's no guarantees. I will keep you guys updated!

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Chapter Eleven

Justin

A month has passed since Justin moved in with Sam, and honestly this has been the best month of his life. He never really allowed myself to think about what living with Sam would be like, but he love it. It's weird to know that he can spend all day with one person and still never want to be apart from them.

Unfortunately as the weeks passed he began to becoming busier and busier so that meant less of Sam. They would wake up early in the morning, and go to school, then after school Justin would have practice until six, and after practice he would go to work at his new job until ten thirty and the rest of the night he would be up finishing homework. These days he usually didn't get to sleep until two-three o'clock in the morning. Then the process began all over again.

As the days went by, it was becoming harder and harder for him to keep everything in order. Justin was amazed that he was able to keep his grades up, but his coach was now mad since he was always tired and losing focus. There were times when he was tired and irritable at work, which wasn't good either. Also, most of all, he was missing his friends. He only saw Darrell and his other friends at school now-a-days. Sam was growing mad at him since they were never able to spend any time together. Justin can't even remember when the last time he messaged Book_Geek17 was.

Justin was beginning to lose control of his life and it seemed like soon he would have to make a hard decision. He can't do everything. Something would eventually have to give. Unfortunately, school and sports are what's going to get him scholarships, and until he could get scholarship money to help with school, he needed to have a job. The job paid for gas, everything he needed, and Justin has even been slipping $50 into Sam's mom's purse, and even though she hasn't said anything he knew she appreciated it.

So, that basically left him with his friends to get rid of, which he can't do. Justin is already having a hard time seeing his friends as is. He knew that if he dropped them as well he would surely go nuts. The only person left to drop was Sam, but he wasn't ready to lose him yet. Justin hasn't had Sam to himself in years and now that he finally had his friend back he didn't want to let go, although with the way the two of them had been fighting recently, he was scared their friendship wouldn't be strong enough to survive.

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Today was one of the rare days that Justin got to relax, well, somewhat.

He had the day off from practice and from work. So today all he had to worry about was school, homework and Sam. Since today was the first nice whether they've had all spring he decided to kill two birds with one stone.

So there Justin sat on the grass under the shade of a large tree with his history book spread out in front of him. He and Sam decided to go to the park and spend the day there. Justin sat with one knee propped up while the other was bent down as he used it to hold his notebook against it for notes. The textbooks were spread out in front of him as if they were grew from the ground.

Sam lay down next to him perfectly content. He was lying on his stomach with one of the Harry Potter books in front of him. His reading glasses were perched on the edge of his nose and he seemed perfectly happy to lose himself to the world of wizards and magic.

"This is nice," Sam spoke up unexpectedly. He continued once he saw Justin looking his way. "Just laying here with you next to me . . . it's nice. I like that we can be so easy around each other."

Justin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's peaceful."

Sam placed his bookmark inside the book and shifted his body so that he was sitting next to his friend on his knees instead of lying down. "You know I miss this . . . a lot. I'm glad that we have been taking this time to rebuild our friendship and get to know each other again, but it's also hard because you're so busy." Justin opened his mouth to speak, but he only continued, "I know you're busy. I do. I guess sometimes I just wish life was a little easier for all of us."

He pursed his lips and sighed. "Don't we all," Justin muttered.

Chuckling at his response, Sam asked, "Do you ever consider coming out?" Justin looked up from his notes with a shocked expression. Sam's eyes were filled with nerves and he could tell that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. "I just mean . . . wouldn't it be easier overall? It wouldn't be as much of a balancing act for you. You can be yourself without all the second guessing or worrying. Maybe we can finally move past this awkward friend stage we've been stuck in for a month. . . ." He trailed off when he saw Justin's expression.

Setting his notes on the ground Justin scooted closer to his friend and met his eyes. "Yes, it honestly would probably be easier if I came out, but . . . Sam I'm sorry. I'm just not ready."

"Why not?" His expression was sullen and upset. "Are you ashamed to call yourself gay? Are you embarrassed of me?"

"Sam! No! That's not it!" Justin yelled shocked that he would even say that.

"Then what is it?" He demanded. "Do you know how hard it is to see you at school? I have to watch all day long while girls flirt with you and you're constantly talking to a bunch of fake popular friends who don't even know the real you? You keep all these fake friends around you like a shield, but you won't even tell them the truth." Sams' hand gripped his tightly. "I just want this to be real. Why can't you let it?"

Justin's throat swelled in fear. he knew where this was going and he didn't like it. "Sam, I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't." Even to himself the words sounded hopeless. "You have to admit I've made a lot of progress. I broke up with Kendall and told her the truth. She is just now beginning to talk to me again. Darrell knows. I came out to my own parents, and they disowned me for it. I'm not the same guy I was when you returned, Sam. I'm stronger and I'm working hard to become who I want to be. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm sorry too, but I don't think it is." Justin's eyes swelled with tears at his words.

"Why?" His voice cracked.

"Because I don't think I can do this anymore, J. You are my best friend, and I love you, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I don't want to hide anymore and it's not right of you to make me. Years ago, it was you who confessed your feelings to me. Now I'm doing the same to you, but I can't wait another two years for you to make a move Justin. I'm sorry, but I can't."

Sam lent forward and pressed his lips lightly to his. The kiss was a final goodbye for the both of them. When he pulled back Sam sighed sadly and grabbed his book before standing up and walked out of the park and away from him.

All Justin could do was stare at the retreating figure of the only boy he ever allowed himself to love.

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