Dope and diamonds

   You know I wasn't always this way. I was normal until I figured out that we would all at one time perish. I refused to believe the fact when I asked my mom if we were going to die. I had a mental breakdown. "We have to leave we have to go! We can't die! We can't die!" I guess I just came to terms to it. Ever since then all I could think about is death. But honestly I'm not that sad as everyone perceives me to be. I just need someone to show me how beautiful life really is.
    Every day after school I go to this place. It's right near an open field leading into the beach. It's pretty desolate. I don't think anyone really knows about this place. I could sit here and tell you I just go on my phone and take selfies like any other normal teen... But that would be a lie.
    I come here for about a good 4 hours. 2 in which to sober up. I like to stare into the open. It's inevitable someday I'm going to cease to exist, and that's okay with me. It's so hot out where I live but I feel so cold. I sit here and write songs into my note book. I suppress this part of me because honestly I'm terrified for people to find out I'm.. Me. 17 and I depend on alcohol, parliaments are my best friend, and I'm empty.
    At about 8 I decided to drive back home, I take the back rode's so I can drive fast. It makes me feel better. I keep the top down so my hair blows in the wind. I feel free.
   I arrive home and my parents are business people so they're never home due to business trips. I keep to myself. When you're an introvert like me it's peaceful to just be alone.
   Tomorrow I have school and I could just skip I mean I do it all the time.. My parents never notice they're too busy to notice anything but their work. I fall asleep at around 2 am every night because I just can't fall asleep my mind never shuts off. It's like a constant repeat on everything I'm worried about. I just think about what will happen tomorrow. When you're sad and depressed at one moment in your life I just can't help but think I will feel this way again sooner or later. Sooner or later I will have a horrible day. And when exactly is that day...