The Girl With A Broken Smile [My Watty Journal]

I Feel Terribly Hurt.

"How then do we deal with hurt feelings? Take the initiative for reconciliation, deal with hurt feeling promptly, and lower your expectations for reciprocated goodness. But above all things, practice genuine Christlike love. Hurt feelings are inevitable. Thankfully, they need not be debilitating. By God's grace they should be overcomed."  - I don't want to feel this way, by: William B. Girao

Thursday na ngayon, wahahaha ang bilis ng panahon noh! It has been 5 days since Jon last texted me. Pssh, ewan ko ba :(:) Naiinis na ako pero alam kong wala akong karapatan.

Nahihiya nga ako eeh. Alam nyo bakit? Nung nagtetext pa si Jon saken, palagi ko talagang sinasabihan ang mga kaibigan ko. Open nga kasi ako sa kanila eeh. Tinutukso pa nga nila ako ng kung anu-ano. Pero alam nyo this week? Halos lahat ng sinasabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko ay mga sama ng loob.

I remembered kanina, tinanong ako ng close friend kong si Eleanor kung kumusta na kami Jon. Alam nyo sinagot ko? "Wala namang kami eh. Tsaka ewan ko dun. Hindi na nagparamdam eh." 

Syempre, nagulat si Eleanor! Akala nya kasi magkaka boyfriend ako ng di oras eeeh! Emerghed heckkkkk. May mga tinanong pa si Eleanor pero basta! Ayoko ng pag-usapan yun kasi nga masakit pa din.

Alam nyo yung feeling na hindi ka excited umuwi kasi ngayon mo lang na rerealize na stress-free ang school. Wahahaha alam kong madami ang disagree dyan. Pero yae nyo na! Opinion ko 'to eh. Yes, school may be annoying and boring. Minsan may mga taong nakaka stress at may mga ginagawa sa school na napaka stressful. Pero sa maniwala kayo't sa hindi, mas gusto ko pang pumunta ng school always kesa naman sumulyap-sulyap sa cellphone ko sa bahay at umaasang magtetext sya.

Mas gusto ko pang ma stress sa school works kesa ma stress sa isang taong hindi ko naman gaano kakilala.

Alam nyo, nagbabasa ako ng inspirational books eeh. Like how to handle hurt, worry, anger, loneliness and impatience. Hindi pa actually ako tapos pero salamat sa Diyos at natapos din ako sa chapter about controlling your hurt.

It was stated in the book that, "If someone hurts your feelings, communicate promptly and privately. Tell also that person but do so tactfully and sensitively. Hurt feelings can eventually lead to anger if not properly resolved."

Habang binabasa ko 'tong part na'to, only one question came in my mind. "How can I talk to him, if he doesn't want to talk to me?"

I know I should not have grudge on others because it is a sin. I know hindi dapat ako magpadala sa sakit na nararamdaman ko. I want to tell him everything I feel kasi after reading that chapter of the book, natuto na ako. I know already how to deal with the pain.

All I'm asking is cooperation from him. Naman eeeh hahaha nagpapakatatag na nga ako. I'm not the usual Victoria na madrama na nga eeh. Pero my friends are valuable. The promises we ought to keep together is significant. Kaya nga nasasaktan ako ngayon eeh!

Kahit paulit-ulit ko pa 'tong sabihin, hindi ako magsasawang iparamdam kay Jon na nasasaktan ako.

Pero I know where I stand! Kaibigan lang ako, I am a friend he met for 2 weeks only. Hindi ko sya gaano ka kilala at vice versa. Kung sasabihin nya lang saken ang totoong rason ng pag-iwas nya, I'll completely understand kasi nga I know I am not really a great part of his life unlike him with mine.

Now, I have decided to wait and hold on for that friendship but hindi ko na masyadong ipupush. I am happy because nakilala ko sya. Although nasaktan ako, hindi na ako bitter. Sabi ko nga earlier, I am Victoria version 2.0.

I deleted Jon's number from my contacts in order for me to resist the urge of texting him. Ayoko na syang gambalain through text. On the other hand, friends pa rin kami sa Facebook. I message him sometimes. Kahit na alam kong masasaktan lang ako dahil sa lecheng "SEEN" na yan.

Jon, I know you were sent in my life for a reason. Even if I am not quite sure of what that reason is, I know someday malalaman ko rin kung ano yun. Nasaktan man ako ng todo-todo sa ginawa mo, I am holding on for our friendship. Hindi ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob sa'yo.

And if in time you'll realize na kelangan mo ako ulit sa buhay mo, wag kang mag-alala- Dahil nandito pa rin ako, nandito pa rin ang Victoria na kaibigan mo. I love you, friend!  :)"

"Love is the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen." - Victoria:)