Just Hold on, We're Going Home

Drive My Soul

-lights-

8 Months Later...

I can feel his hot breath on my neck and it feels like heaven. His lips graze my neck a few times before finally picking a spot to take claim to.

"Beau.." I moan quietly. Wait.. did I just do that out loud? I feel him smirking against my neck. He heard me.

I feel like I'm not in control of my body. My brain keeps skipping time. His lips melt onto mine. Since when were we on the bed? I can feel his grip on my hips tighten as I run my hands through his hair. Where did my shirt go? 

Damn. He's good at this.

It doesn't take long for me to realize that nothing could stop us from what happens next... well, almost nothing.

"Daddy!!" 

A loud shriek breaks through what had been only heavy breathing and soft moans.

"What was that, Lights?" Beau asked, laughing as he sat up.

"Oh, shut up," I said, rolling my eyes, "What is she even doing up this early? It's like 6 am."

He pulled out his phone and looked at the time. "Babe, it's 8 am," he told me.

Shit. Had we really been making out that long?

I shook my head and chuckled, looking for my misplaced shirt and putting it over my head. Beau got up and walked to Rocket's room. I followed him, standing in the doorway and watching as he picked Rocket up from her crib. 

"Daddy!" she said again, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

I smiled, looking down. Making out was nice, but this was nice too. Beau interacting with my daughter was one of the most beautiful, innocent things I've ever seen. He talks to her and listens when she tries to tell him something. They have an unbelievable bond even though she's only known him for a portion of her life. That's longer than her biological father has known her anyway.

After I ran into Beau at that Starbucks many moons ago we started talking and never really stopped. There have been many tours that pull us apart from each other, but somehow I started trusting Beau enough to leave Rocket with him while I go on tour alone. This week had been one of the few times neither of us were busy. Beau was staying at my house in Vancouver and Rocket and I both were getting too used to having him around.

"Beau," I said quietly.

He looked up at me from where he was sitting with Rocket, and said "Yeah babe?"

"Do you think you'd ever want to stay?" I asked nervously, "Like.. permanently?"

"Are you asking me to move in?" he said, clearly a little surprised.

"I just think that.. this is a really good thing for her and I just want her to have a stable family.. If you're going to be her father then maybe you should live here.. with her," I explained, not wanting him to think I was acting on a whim.

"Well.. we've only been together a few months. Do you think it's too soon?" he asked, setting Rocket down and letting her play with his toys while he walked over to me.

"Beau.. I don't.. I can't have a normal relationship.. Not with a daughter. If you're going to be a part of this family then you have to commit to us. She's already had one father leave," I said, moving my hair back and rubbing my forehead.

He reached out and placed his hand on my arm, "Lights.. don't worry," he said, "I'm not going to leave. I'm committed to you and Rocket."

"Saying that doesn't mean anything to me. Her father said that too," I said, pushing his arm off of me and walking over to Rocket, picking her up. Words mean nothing to someone who's lost everything, and I wasn't about to let that happen to Rocket or I again. Who cares how he makes me feel.. Who cares how good of a kisser he is, or how well he gets along with Rocket. It doesn't matter if it's not going to last. 

"Lights!" He yelled after me as I held Rocket tightly and walked away.

"Just.. go home Beau," I said, knowing that his flight home wasn't for another couple days. I put my shoes on, trying to think of somewhere I could go. Any place would be better than here.

"Lights, please!" He said, running after me, trying to take my hand but I pushed him away again. 

"I'm not letting you hurt her!" I said, shaking and barely able to hold myself back from crying. 

Rocket looked up at me and started crying softly.

"Thanks a lot Beau," I mumbled, trying to soothe Rocket.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, then looked at Rocket and I saw.. pain. He was hurt. He was upset by Rocket crying.. He was upset that I wanted him to leave.. that I didn't trust him.

I met his eyes humbly. "You're not going to leave," I said quietly, and he nodded. "I'm sorry.." I said as he pulled to two of us into a group hug.

"Don't cry," he said, wiping small teardrops from my cheeks.

"I love you," I cried out. It had been a long time since I had said those words to anyone other than Rocket.

"I've always loved you," he said, and I looked up at him, surprised.

"What do you mean?" I asked, moving my hair from my face.

"I've loved you ever since the day I met you.. ever since you were with that awful guy I knew would hurt you.. ever since you introduced me to your daughter," he explained, looking down at Rocket and rubbing my arm, "and now that I'm lucky enough to have both of you, I'm never letting go."