You say this is suicide

A nightmare;

I have nightmares that are taking over my thoughts during the day,
I feel like I'm going to puke 24/7,
He won't let me turn to pot,
My chest feels so heavy,
He's going to end up saying goodbye,
I feel it in my gut,
The monsters and demons in my mind are effecting the people around me,
Everything is changing and everyone I once loved are leaving,
The voices in my head just continue to get louder,
I don't know why I called,
I talk,
At least I think I talk,
Also I sleep,
At least I think I sleep,
At least I think I fall asleep,
Every time I close my eyes I am greeted by my fears,
Every waking moment is worse than the next,
I feel like I'm always in the way,
"Why are always in your room?"
Because in my room, im out of the way and I can hide away from the world,
"Stop acting depressed and cutting there's nothing wrong with you."
When you say that it makes  me want to end my life there because it obvious you don't care,
Im a shitty person can't you see I'd rather be dead, mom and dad?
Why can't you let me make my own mistakes and learn from them?
Back to what I said I'm a shitty person
Why can't people see that?
All I do is hurt people,
But let's get back to the moral of this,
Self pity,
Where are you now?
It's 2 am and my temples are throbbing,
And your no where to be found,
Im fighting monsters and demons bitchs,
What are you doing?
Probably asleep dreaming about another girl,
Im never going to recover,
I told you I love you with all that I am,
But all you said was goodnight,
My fears are the only thing that keeps me from sleeping at night,
Insomnia kills people everyday but I'm not worried Bitch,
Because I'm going to hold onto my sanity,
Fine,
I'll be better without it,
I just want my life back,
Im scared of the dark,
And that's all depression is,
A dark tunnel,
Razors seem to be my only friend,
And sense of security,
But the scars I leave make me insecure,
You didn't care about my scars
But your actions and words wounds I didn't know how to mend,
And scars I didn't know how to cover up,
My chest hurts from the memorirs of all the good times we had,
My mind is a warzone,.
A hurricane,
A horrible mess,
Something no one in their right MIMD would fix,
I have so many broken pieces, I could fill 30 million mansions,
I have a dark heart,
It's cold and damaged beyond repair,
I feel trapped like I'm never going to get up again...