The Alternative

Untitled Part 4

    If I had not been blind before, I would not be able to appreciate all the things that I see before me today. I love my fire but I would not have been able to respect it if it had not burnt me a few times. I had experienced happiness before. My life was filled with it. This was the reason I chose to give up when I was faced with sorrow. I was filled with my light before the darkness found me. I had tried to forget everything about my past life but it seemed impossible. I still think about my mother and little brother, how they both have sleepless nights thinking about what I could've been. Whether I would've grownup to be doctor, a lawyer or some type of conformist. To me these ideas all seemed foolish because I was planning on being a rebellious hippie my entire life. I still ask myself if I regret the decision I took, if I had been given a chance to start over would I still choose the same path. Now that I know both life and the alternative I just have to settle for one. This has been the dream of all depressed children to see whether the alternative is any better than their current situation. After all this time here I still fail to answer that simple question. I cannot say that it is and I also can't say that it is not. It Is just a matter of which you choose to settle for. As a poet I could've used similes to describe this place but I refuse to lie to you and to give you any sense of hope because this place is all I have now, there are no other alternatives