Hayley's Page

I dont care!

2:28am June 15, 2014
So, I decided to finally do it!
I'm moving. Everyone thinks it's a mistake but I disagree. I've looked at all the possibilities, and I've decided this is the best option for me right now.
It's not like my family really care, and my friends, well, they do, but they'll be better off without me around at the moment!
I'm a mess. I've missed four shifts at work and I'm probably going to get fired anyway. I got kicked out of my mums because she can't cope with my nights out! Pfftt, she can't cope? What about me?!
It's probably her fault that I'm like this anyway. She's the one who brung back different guys every night when me and my sisters were kids. She's the one who took Coke and Meth in the bathroom before going out (yeah mum, I remember) and drank all the time!
She's only now finally got her life sorted out, it only took forty years!!
And I've been left with the scars that are cut to deeply into my mind. I can trace all of my hate across the edges of my memories, they cloud my judgements, they prevent me from fully moving on and I hate it. Sometimes I get so angry, I'll hear a piece of music or see something that reminds me of a memory that ruined my life and I feel like screaming out until I have nothing and no one left. I feel like kicking and punching everything in sight. But I don't. Instead I fake a smile and go about my day, even though I'm slowly dying inside. But no one really sees that side to me. They all think I'm okay, that I'm just a little 'wild'.
They see what I want them to see. The always overly positive Haley, always smiling, constantly surrounded by silver linings, going a million miles an hour whilst everyone's standing still.
My dad, well, we won't go into that to much right now, but the short story is he died last year leaving behind a hole that can never be filled.
Both of my aunties pretend to give a shit but they don't, they care more about Ella (my youngest sister) and Katie (the middle child), they think I'm a wreck. I can hear it in their exasperated sighs when I get an idea, I see it when they roll their eyes because I'm too 'overexcited' or the tutting and shaking of the head when I feel down, again! I took an overdose a couple of years ago and the most hurtful thing I heard was 'it's an attention thing', yeah that cut deep! I felt like screaming thanks a lot you morons! And then finishing the job just to prove a point.
Anyway, I'm going to go and live with a friend of mine up country. He owns a bar so I'm going to work there, it's a live in thing so I won't have to pay him rent. Then, I've decided, I'm going to save my money and travel abroad for a year, whilst concentrating on my music.
I'll show everyone who has ever doubted me what happens when you try to put down Haley Meyers!
Because the truth is, I've stopped caring about any of them!